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[quote=Anonymous]1. Everyone expected OP to offer to babysit on the "beer and steaks" night, and BIL has from then on felt that she was selfish and doesn't care for his children.

2. OP's DH, who was very close to his brother, told him what OP said about never visiting again, and it got back to everyone else including the parents. Everyone felt at the time that she didn't like them, had it confirmed, and never let real life show them any differently.

3. They live on opposite coasts, so most interactions are at formal events, and there has never been much opportunity for more genuine relationships to grow, especially because none of them, including OP, was that enthusiastic about the work involved.

4. Someone needs to bring this up in a non-confrontational, non-dramatic way. Start by saying that you are hurt and confused by what happened with the Bar Mitzvah, and that you're willing to listen and not argue. They may roll their eyes and tell you that you're being dramatic, but it's worth a try to be genuine.

OP, I'm guessing that visit was hella awkward for you, and you came across as not particularly warm and friendly, which people with any insight would have realized was the result of being thrown into a poorly-planned weekend with an entire family you barely knew. But these are people who can't understand why you would care if you are excluded from a big family event, so I'll go with no insight.[/quote]

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