Reply to Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?

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Reply to "Separated and not yet ex DH is bringing girlfriend to kids events--can this be stopped?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]NP. Another big law attorney here. Yes, she can, but only as part of divorce proceedings. [b]When I divorced, I made my husband agree to a clause in our settlement that barred him from having any significant other around our children until they had been dating for at least three years. [/b]I also barred him from bringing any friend (except for those listed in the agreement) around our children without prior approval from me. I agreed to be similarly bound. I also had a fine (and reimbursement of attorneys' fees needed to enforce the clause) attached to each violation. These clauses expire when our youngest child turns 14.

It has been 9 years since our divorce and we have done well for the most part. I had to enforce the clause once when he had a girlfriend of several months skulking around our kids and was claiming she was just a tenant. I gathered evidence she was more than a tenant. He called my bluff regarding enforcing the girlfriend clause, so I went to court and had him enjoined from having her around the kids. And I enforced the fine (no attorneys' fees because I handled the matter myself).

You can do a lot with a settlement agreement, but an agreement is only as strong as you are. My ex knows I will strangle him and send his soul to Hades if he brings any of his shady friends, exes, nextses, and drama around our children. [/quote]

PP, I think the bolded idea is reasonable . . . but three years?  That seems excessive, and punitive.  How did you arrive at this number?  Also, how did you "make" your ex agree to this?  [/quote]

I am curious as to how Lawyer PP would have handled the situation if he had married a girlfriend he dated for a year. Was there anything in your agreement that accounted for that relationship status change? There is no way in hell that I would have agreed to a prohibition like the one you described. Maybe a shorter time period, but 3 years is a very long time to not even MEET the significant other. It sounds like your attempt to protect your kids was primarily designed to prevent him from having any kind of serious romantic relationship, since I know of very few individuals who would be willing to date a person with children for 3 years before being able to meet those kids.[/quote]
Lawyer PP here. The three-year requirement is for any significant other. Unsurprisingly, my ex is not stable enough to maintain a relationship for a year, much less three years.  I have remarried and before the three-year period was up for my husband to meet my kids, I simply explained in increasing detail what was going on and the settlement agreement we had in place. Anyone who is marrying a divorced person with children must be ready to make certain concessions to the situation that the divorce created. [/quote]

But, why did you feel like 3 years was necessary?  Why not 2, or 1?  [/quote]
Lawyer PP here. I'm not going to lay out the circumstances leading to our divorce or any more personal info. I posted to let OP know some options, not to get your approval of my divorce settlement.[/quote]

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