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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back!

Our marriage is not perfect otherwise, but it's okay. There are aspects of it that I like and aspects of it that I don't like. This seems to be the most dealbreaker-ish part of it. By the way, I'm not perfect either. I would like to think that I am a pretty good catch, but I know there are aspects of my personality that are not ideal. For instance, I am always one of those people who is looking for the next best thing in life. Houses, jobs, whatever. This has probably led to my professional success but sometimes I need to take it down a notch too. I am a perfectionist in many ways (clean house, kids need to look nice, I need to look nice, etc) and again, while this has had positive impacts on my life, I think it bothers my husband sometimes. He would rather have a messier house and not have me running around picking up after everyone.

I say all of that to say that I understand that people have good and bad qualities and you have to live with them. No one out there is perfect. No second husband would be perfect either and I know that, believe me, I have thought about that. This just seems very depressing though. One of the male PPs hit it on the mark in one of the first pages. It is just very lonely. Not only am I not having the sex I want, it's really not just about the physical. Knowing that your spouse is basically living in a constant state of rejection towards you is just depressing.. very depressing. I feel like I can't fully enjoy the sex we have, because even though it is good sex, I sometimes think about how it won't happen again for a while or how it just feels like he's not that into me.

I look at life and it's like, sex is one of the very few things I can think about that's pure pleasure while also being free and not bad for you in any way! What is not to like, right? [b]And it is so hard for me to understand why my own husband of all people wouldn't want to have it with me! [/b]Especially given the fact that I am physically attractive.

I have kind of given him an ultimatum, and he says he would rather divorce than be in an open marriage. He is basically saying that it is my choice, this is what it is, I can live with it or we can get a divorce.. but he is not changing. This seems so selfish to me and puts me in a terrible position. We did see a therapist about this a long time ago who mentioned, as posters here have, that one day I am going to cheat on him. Not if but when.

I do not find an AP to be that attractive of an idea. Like I said, it is less physical than emotional. I am looking for the intertwined physical emotional relationship that I do not have in my marriage, and I don't think that an AP would give me that either. I also don't even know how it would happen logistically. I don't work with men and I am not really in the position to meet men socially. Yes, guys check me out and flirt with me while I'm grocery shopping or in line at Starbucks, but there's a MAJOR gap between flirtation on a Tuesday morning and having sex with that person!

I just really want my husband to change and it's very hard for me that he does not seem to want to attempt a compromise. I will keep pushing getting tested for low T. [/quote]

Have you asked your husband how often he masturbates?  I'd be curious.  You may be surprised by the frequency.  If it's somewhat frequent then this means he's choosing his hand over you.

Something is going on with him.   He either has a medical problem or he isn't physically into you, which could be for a number of reasons.  My husband was similar to yours and it turns out our marriage wasn't as great as I thought.  There were other problems and he wasn't happy with me and how I was treating him.  It wasn't even something he fully realized at the time.  You've mentioned your physical attractiveness a few times.  Maybe this is because posters here would otherwise jump to the conclusion you're fat and ugly.  Or maybe you're placing way too much emphasis on this and ignoring that your husband may have emotional needs that aren't being met.

You've spent a lot of time trying to get him to sleep with you.  I would not turn that focus on examining what he really needs from you.  Again, he is choosing not to sleep with you and it could be for a variety of reasons.  Find out why.  I doubt it's because he's simply not into sex.  [/quote]

This sounds like my husband. I was shocked to find he watches porn nearly constantly on his computer. But never touches me. I have no idea what to do about it. Also he lies and says he never watches porn which is so stupid because I have told him I really don't care about the porn and I don't. I do care about him having sex with me twice a year. [/quote]

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