Reply to Freaking out a bit. Wedding is in two weeks and I can't shake obvious red flags.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh god, OP here. I just found out he has a joint checking bank account with his Mom. He's 32! Ugh. Just another reason.

We still aren't talking.[/quote]

Weird that you were engaged so long and didn't really know much about him. Perhaps you can learn from your mistakes.[/quote]

Not so weird. You can be with someone for years and be operating under such different assumptions of "normal" that you don't even imagine they're so enmeshed with their family. This happened with me. I just thought his mom was a busybody, and he didn't mention things because he assumed on his end that their ways were normal. Yet she was always tinkering with his bank accounts, making decisions and spending his money, and having him get multiple credit card accounts for her to use, etc. She also planned to have him buy a house for her and him and their other relatives to live in together. He quietly went along with everything, because that's how they do things in his culture and especially in his crazy family. One day he mentioned something about her looking at houses, and I was like, huh? If you buy a house with her, you and I will never be able to afford to buy a house. And he said nothing, but it turned out I was secondary to whatever his family wanted. He and his mom were the real "couple," and she was not letting go. This kind of family sees the spouse as disposable, not legit like the real family, and it's a miserable life, on so many levels. Please get out now, OP. It does get worse and worse.[/quote]

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