Reply to how could I have handled this better -- found self in argument with both DS, 3 and DH

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "how could I have handled this better -- found self in argument with both DS, 3 and DH"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you were wrong, and your DH was wrong.  Your poor DS is caught in the middle of it.  You need to sit down immediately with DH and figure out a plan for how to work through this, even if you don't want to.  It sounds like you are both really angry at each other and need to express that to each other before you can move forward.  If you can't do that constructively on your own, then find a counselor to help you work through it.

As for your DS, you need to figure out a strategy that works for both of you and that you both agree on.  Probably that means that your DH sometimes does what he asks for but in a delayed way and other times says it's Mommy's turn to do X or Y.  But you both have to agree on it.  And also agree on a way to calmly interfere if one of you doesn't feel comfortable with how something is happening -- whether that's a gentle touch or a word or whatever.

[b]If the roles were reversed and the DH grabbed the DW and didn't listen when she said to let go, this would be a case of rape culture and not respecting boundaries[/b].  I'm not saying that you tried to do anything wrong, but you obviously aren't being as respectful of how people want to be touched as you should be.  Your DS asked you not to hug him, so you rubbed his back.  If he doesn't want you to, you stop, period.  If you don't start respecting boundaries like this, you are teaching him that it's okay for him not to, and that will lead to problems for him and in his relationships in the future.

You need to do some therapy do deal with how you feel about your DS rejecting you.  You shouldn't need to cut back on work just to be a part of your kid's life.  He probably sees how much it bothers you and is playing you for it (even if he doesn't realize he's doing it).  If you keep trying to force things, he will only make it worse.  Ever had a guy who was a little TOO interested in you?  It made you want to run the opposite direction probably.  Same with your DS.  Back off, and he will find his way to you.[/quote]

I think you make some good points but more than one poster has said that the bolded is not the case. I was one of them.

I am not going to make assumptions about op to fit my narrative. I acknowledge that she could be spinning things but if what happened happened the way she said it did then that is effed up for a spousal interaction no matter which gender is doing it.

Non aggressive touching in a marriage should not be treated the way you would treat an assault from a stranger. Period. You all are coming up with stories about ops reliability to excuse the DH saying something so crazy (and in front of the kid, a crime op is guilty of too).[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics