Reply to I am currently being distant to wife

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel your pain brother.  When I'm not having regular sex or if my wife withdraws from the relationship physically I don't feel connected . I feel like roommates except that I'm being robbed from being with someone who wants to have sex with me.

I shutdown when that component is missing from my relationship as I will feel neglected.  We've been to therapy about this.  Therapist said that's just the way I am, I won't change.  I know she's hoping that when I get older the libido will die down a bit.  But when that happens then what.  I would have felt so neglected and so much resentment that it's not worth it.

I am an active person, very athletic and competitive so I have a high libido.  I remember my wife complaining to the therapist about it.  Therapist - who was a women - said people like me usually have high libidos.  That's not going to change anytime soon.  She told my wife you better find a way to rekindle or it won't work.

For me, it's to stop being so walled off.  So we both have issues but my resentment stems from lack of sex.

I feel robbed frankly.  So I understand how you feel OP

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So, your wife's feelings and needs do not matter?  You have to have sex no matter what?  I think you are selfish and despite your therapist being a woman I would have wanted another one that wasn't so biased.[/quote]

I don't get this. What do you think is supposed to happen when you get married? If I wanted to just be friends, I wouldn't have gotten married. Sex is a big part of what makes marriages or romantic relationships different than platonic ones. Right? That's the definition. So why do you, as a woman, think it's totally ok to quit having sex? Maybe a better question is WHY would you quit having sex? Do you women who have no interest in sex really feel connected to your husbands? 
[/quote]

Some of the reasons are at the beginning of this thread.  All women are different and the reasons vary tremendously, from medical issues to abusive spouses.  Women need to feel connected emotionally before wanting sex, i.e. the attention, conversations and romance that they had during courtship, and men want sex to feel connected.  A lot of men think the courtship is over after the wedding, and drop all the effort.  A wife is left wondering what happened to the romantic man she dated, just like the husband wonders why she no longer wants sex.  Just like a PP wrote, a woman is like a slow cooker, a man is like a microwave.  A man can't treat his wife like she's a microwave.  Women are biologically very different men, and so are their needs.

Marriage is an institution created to raise children in a stable and safe home in a civil society, and not an institution created solely to give men sex on demand. [/quote]

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