Reply to Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Husband isn't good provider and I secretly hate him for it"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We are both high achievers. He went to under grad and grad school at ivies but  after few years opted for a gov job.   I am 7 years younger but out warning him. We have two kids. He said when we were contemplating marriage that if we ever needed him to he would go into private practice and earn more. Fast forward 10years and we are still in dumpy apartment w two kids. I'm at my max earning potential. He refuses to leave gov job because he gets off on being on the "good side" and not being told what to do.  I can't host family or send my kids to the local school, am up to my eyeballs in toys, and feel like total failure. Would leave DC any time but he refuses. I naively thought by the time we were at this point we would have household income that would buy decent house in decent school district. We are no where near that.   I guess I'm venting. [/quote]

It sounds to me that [b]you are more upset that DH is not respecting the fact you are unhappy with your apartment lifestyle and location[/b]. I get this, because I used to live in an apartment when DS was born, and still dreamed of a single family home with a backyard and school within walking distance.

Instead of focusing on staying where you are and pushing DH to get a higher earning job, think about how to take into his desire to be on the "good side" with your desire for more space somewhere outside of DC. DH can work for a nonprofit or small business somewhere and you can move somewhere else. [/quote]

This is so right. For all those condemning OP and other PP's who have empathized with her, including me, the resentment is about more than just money.  In my marriage, it came down to feeling that he wasn't as committed as I was to our family's future security.  It was not about cold, hard cash for better vacations and "stuff" -- but the desire to be able to build toward our future security, through 529's, retirement savings, and home equity.  I had deep anxiety about what the future could bring, and whether or not we would be financially prepared.  We both signed on to providing a certain lifestyle -- nothing elaborate, believe me -- and it hurt me deeply to feel that I was killing myself to make this happen, and he was sort of coasting along, accepting that I was taking care of it.  In our case, he wasn't even happy in the shitty job with no benefits that he had, which was even more infuriating.  It was worth fighting about.   [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics