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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's a son problem. My son called to tell me he didn't let his wife know that I was coming. He just wants me to let it go and says it will all smooth over.[/quote]

And you know why he's got a problem?

It's because you are overbearing and his wife isn't a doormat.

STEP BACK. [/quote]

Why is it overbearing to want to go on a trip you're paying for? I discussed in advance with my son. He agreed. I'm the problem here?[/quote]

Yes, because you're not considering that his wife has an equal voice which may be different than your son's. If he can't even tell her these essentials until the last minute, then clearly he's too much under your thumb and thus, you probably have an overbearing personality.

[b]Next time, you talk to the wife first, as an acknowledgment that usually women are the schedulers and planners in the couple[/b] (not always, but looks like it here), and as a gesture of peace. Then you double check with your son to see if it's alright with him too. Don't say anything one that you wouldn't say to the other. Treat them as equal partners.

[/quote]

Don't put all the blame on MIL.

It is highly possible since he is on wife #2, that son A) is a sucky husband and communicator and B) he does a very poor job selecting his wives.

My guess is that it is a combo of the two.[/quote]

I think this is bad advice -- I hate it when my MIL  comes to me about this stuff.  Deal with the son that you raised!  I don't want to be the one to tell her "No that totally doesn't work for us."  Let her son do that.  Plus my husband has a bad relationship with his mom, so I resent being made to be the intermediary because they don't like each other.  But it would not have been a bad idea to send an email or note to the DIL after the converstaion with the son, saying something like "I am so excited about our trip to Disney together!  Let me know if there's anything I can do to help plan out activities and meals.  I don't want to put extra work on you with planning, but I want to make sure that we can do the things you and the kids want to do."  
Incidentally, we travel with my parents all the time -- usually because my husband suggests it because he knows how much the kids like it.  And we usually pay at least part of my parents' way.  I think the DIL is being pissy here -- it would be an over-reach if the MIL just planned the trip and sprang it on the kids without planning with the parents, but here it sounds like she did plan it with the son, and he totally dropped the ball by agreeing without talking to his wife about it.  He's 100% at fault here, not the MIL.  That said, MIL should take this as a sign that her son's marriage is on the rocks, and should just try to not make things any worse than they apparently already are.  
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