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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you. I am also at the point in realizing once the kids leave the nest, so will I. It makes me sad because that’s another decade wasted without a meaningful, emotional connection. But this EA was really just a fantasy that’s didn’t even exist. He faked the entire thing.

How did you end up with an understanding with your DH? Did he find out about the EA? [/quote]

I confessed about the EA to DH.  It seemed to be a wake up call to him- he threw himself fully into saving our marriage.  We are in marriage counseling and he is more loving, affectionate, intimate, willing to do anything I ask.  I see how much he loves our kids and I love him again, but the rest of the time, I am very meh.  It may all be too little too late.  He was very abusive and my trust in him is broken.  Six months of good behavior can’t completely clean up over a decade of increasingly terrible behavior.

The entire emotional affair seems increasingly irrelevant and more importantly, exhausting to even think about.  It wasn’t my real life- it was an escape from my real life.  Whenever I would meet the other man I felt no physical attraction to him, although I had a sort of friendly affection for him.  It was the way the other man made me feel about myself that I was addicted to- that I was sexy, desirable, fun, etc.  I was completely using the other man and the other man got very frustrated about it (he wanted sex!).  The past in my marriage creates a lot of tension and sadness and baggage that I just wonder if I would be better off without.  We will see.  I can’t see myself wanting to live with this person without my kids around.[/quote]

Thank you for explaining. Mine was a very attracted, physical and emotional affair though mostly emotional.

It’s wonderful you were able to segue your experience into a better marriage, for now. That gives me hope. [/quote]

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