Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have never understood the emotional and intellectual circumstances that compel someone to have sex with someone who is not their significant other. The part I particularly don't understand is that they obviously know that sex outside of their relationship is not ok. They know it would mean the death of their relationship or in the least create significant problems for the foreseeable future. They know the lying and sneaking and betrayal will crush and devastated their partner.

Then...why do they do it? If they are out of love with their significant other, why do they not just end the relationship or take steps to do it? Then they can freely go and find someone else.

[/quote]

NP (followed someone’s link in a recent thread and decided to add my 2 cents). I’ve been married for nearly 20 years and never cheated, but am also not exclusive with DH. Before someone accuses me of being an open marriage proselytizer, let me be 100% clear that I’m NOT advocating anything to anyone, only sharing my individual answer to OP’s questions.

I love DH too much to lie to him, so I don’t. I also love myself too much to be exclusive, so I’m not. Intimacy outside marriage has not meant “the death of our relationship” or “significant problems for the foreseeable future.” For me personally, it’s only the “lying and sneaking and betrayal” part that would be the problem.[/quote]

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