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Adult Children
Reply to "What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet."
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Validate, Validate, Validate. Perception is reality and you need to validate their feelings even if you disagree. You can note that your intent was never to hurt them but say how sorry you are and validate their pain. When my mother did this it saved our strained relationship and I no longer have angry feelings about her using me as a weapon in her divorce 30 years ago. So validate, validate, and validate. [/quote] This doesn't work whatever the situation. (1) "I'm sorry you feel bad" is transparent and just makes the recipient mad. It reads as, "yes, I made you mad, and what I'm sorry about is that you're mad, but I'm not sorry about what I did." My mom used to say this all the time. (2) If the hurt is based on the AC's misperception, abasing yourself and agreeing to it helps nobody. The parent eventually builds up anger and the AC has no opportunity to understand or grow. [/quote]
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