Reply to Can someone explain the mindset of a cheater?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve had a very different opinion on this than I do today. And I’m open to the idea that my opinion changes again in the future. Opinions are just opinions. 
Anyway, I now think that “cheating” is a poor term to use. A partner in a relationship may cheat the other side in a multitude of ways. Any significant change in the relationship that strongly affects the other, but is unilateral is basically a form of cheating. This discussion is very much oriented towards a definition of cheating that consists only of sex outside the marriage. That’s one example. But in my eyes (currently) the marital obligation was not simply to not sleep with other people… the other side of this commitment is to have a satisfying sexual relationship inside the marriage. A lot of marriages become lacking in sex, and people tend to view it as simply having intercourse or not. But for many partners it’s actually about intimacy, trust, self worth, and a very physical desire for touch and contact (not strictly sex. Intimacy). A partner (male or female) that unilaterally takes that away is to me just as un-fair as someone who reacts to this by seeking her/his needs elsewhere. 
In some marriages, I totally understand a “cheater”. 
[/quote]

A lot of time it’s the behavior of the cheater in the marriage that erodes the intimacy.  I also know men that just spend 40 min to 1 hour once or twice a month with AP (straight to the bed) so that is not intimacy- just flattery and sex.  The compartmentalization is strong because many are still having sec and doing loving deeds with/for the wife.

If I’ve learned anything, nobody’s reasons or cheating is the same.  Generalizations don’t work.  But, yes, in affairs where the partners see each other a lot or work together the intimacy may be a factor, not so much for the just see to bang once a month.[/quote]

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