Reply to No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

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Reply to "No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]American culture is insane.

They either can’t separate themselves from children for one night or they’re so broke they can’t afford a babysitter for a few hours.

I have friends who drug their three little kids around even to adult poker nights.

It’s disgraceful.[/quote]

Just to keep this idea grounded in reality, a babysitter for “a few hours” is from 4-12 for a local wedding. That’s eight hours, assume minimum $25/hour you’re looking at $200 just to leave the house. Thats low-tier wedding guest gift all by itself right there.[/quote]

You don't literally have to stay until the end. Just go to the reception, have dinner, stay for a few dances, then go. People seem to be making this much harder than it has to be.[/quote]

Ok great you’ve now made this a $150 cost to walk out the door. Good thing you’re here.[/quote]

Find a sitter that doesn't cost $50 an hour. Go for 3 hours.[/quote]

Thanks I really enjoy it when invitations come with chores.  Find a new babysitter, go for three hours (five with travel) you can keep minimizing all you want but the bottom line is: it’s an ask. You’re asking your guests to bear additional costs to attend your wedding that they don’t have to in order attend other weddings. Thats ok as long as you don’t say a word if they decline (which means no helpful hints about getting lower quality childcare to make sure you’re there for their party…)

Don’t want me spending your money to invite my kid? Don’t spend mine to get a babysitter.[/quote]

So for the last time, it is totally okay to say "No" and not attend.  It's an invite, not a court summons.  Doesn't matter why, if you cannot attend, just say no.  [b]And 99.99% of brides do not make you "feel bad for declining"  [/b][/quote]

Weird stat. How on earth could you know this? It comes across as bizarrely defensive. [/quote]

DP. Okay. So how about acknowledging that 100% of the childfree wedding brides here aren't saying you should feel bad for not going. Someone, if not you, seems to be addressing us as if we are, and that is not bizarre to be defensive about. [/quote]
Yes! I haven't seen a single person who had/supports childfree weddings say that you should not decline if you aren't able to attend. It's ONLY the anti-childfree wedding people who are bent out of shape about someone elses event.[/quote]

There is a pro-childfree-wedding poster just a page ago who is very upset that someone chose not to go because of issues of babysitting and cost and accused that poster of lying about her reasons for declining. Are you even reading the same thread? [/quote]

That was me. I never said I was "very upset". I said "It's upsetting...".

I understand why though you need to exaggerate since the child free wedding haters are the upset ones.  [/quote]

Was the below you? It sure sounds very upset to me, and you even say you are upset. It is certainly not emotionally balanced, at least.

[i]It's not upsetting people decline the invitation. It's upsetting people making up disingenuous excuses for doing so.

Why lie about PTO and babysitters? Just say you are declining an invitation to an event that does not accommodate you in the special way you want to be accommodated. Babysitters and PTO is a passive aggressive protest, nothing more.[/i]

You aren’t entitled to demand attendance from guests or know their reasons, no matter how much of a temper tantrum you throw. [/quote]

Nowhere did I demand attendance. I was being critical of the reasons provided for declining.

I can understand why would would mistake that for an emotionally unbalanced temper tantrum since you didn't understand what you read. [/quote]

I'm Pro---whatever type of wedding you want.  But the bride (or anyone else) should not be discussing/being critical of the reasons provided for declining.  There is not reason for the bride to expect or be given "an excuse" other than "so sorry, we won't be able to make it.  Hope you have an amazing day!  "

[/quote]

You can be critical of the reason if the reason is "Not enough PTO", and the invitee is unemployed. You can be critical of the reason if the reason is "No babysitter", and the invitee hires a babysitter to another wedding for that period of time. You can be critical of the nephew who was disingenuous about the 21+ venue requirement.

You don't need to be critical. But it is warranted to be critical of dishonesty.

[/quote]
Nah, only the nephew who lied about the 21+ for your 17/19/20 kids.

All the others, well they obviuosly were not as close as you thought.  The fact they hired a babysitter for someone else's wedding should not concern you.  But if it does, then distance yourself accordingly.  
And anyone who is unemployed who says not enough PTO is likely embarrassed they are unemployed and quite likely cannot afford to attend your wedding.  They might be on a very tight budget to you know, live until they are employed again.  So yeah, attending a wedding that is an hour away might not be in the budget

[/quote]

OP:

"A good friend had an adults only wedding and now her husband doesn’t speak to his sister because she was angry she could not bring her 12 year old (his sister lived an hour away from the venue) and has never recovered from the slight. His other sister actually brought her child in protest of the wedding being adults only. "

People will breakup a family over a child-free wedding; but it is inconceivable (to you) people would be dishonest about why they are not attending a child-free wedding.

[/quote]

Because you do not need to provide a reason for not attending. Don't give crazy family members access to attempt to control you.

[b]And yes, if you have crazy family like that, then go ahead and lie.[/b] I don't care.  But I also wouldn't worry about what crazy family like that think about me.  I wouldn't care or want to spend time with them.  
[/quote]

Couples preferring a child free wedding are "crazy"?

That's an overly dramatic exaggeration. It might be considered a departure from traditional norms, a departure which is debatable among reasonable people. "Crazy" is an exaggeration.

[/quote]
I did not say people who want "child free wedding" are crazy.  Far from it!  I fully support whatever type of wedding the B/G want.

I'm stating if you have crazy family who has to have a reason for why you cannot attend and then harasses you (with calls from the mom, MIL, Aunties, etc), they are crazy and you simply do not need to bother yourself with them.  We cut toxic people out of our lives and certainly do NOT give them any way to bother us.  Hence why it's okay to lie about the reason.  Or simply just state, "sorry we cannot attend" and don't give any more details
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