Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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Reply to "What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You apologize and listen. And listen. And apologize. And listen. And love. It’s not your turn to speak. Your kid doesn’t need your opinion or your advice. He needs you to listen and acknowledge his experience as he experienced it. It’s that simple. [/quote]

But at what point are you done apologizing and listening? This whole thread is about gaslighting parents not taking accountability for their actions, but what about gaslighting adult kids? Kids that seem to forget every GOOD thing you ever did for them or really seem to incorrectly remember the past? [/quote]

Or literally make up a whole narrative that is entirely skewed, our of context or patently false in order to justify their own behavior?

No one calls out narcissistic adult kids! Somehow it seems if a person goes to a therapist and makes up a lof of nonsense,  that alone justifies an apology.

Several of my friend's kids were involved in toxic marriages or relationships, one in a religious cult ish thing, and one with a substance abuse issue, and decided to bring up absolute fiction in order to become estranged from their parents and basically  enjoy their allegiance to whatever they were involved in.  One decided to have numerous affairs, and couldn't understand why her parents weren't supportive of her when her marriage ended. 
2 situations,  the toxic relationships ended, they needed their parents. It took a therapist to ask them to apologize.  
The religious one? Still involved. Associates with no one outside.  
Divorced AC, married again, still having affairs. 
Substance abuse. You know what happened there, right? 35 year old atty no one actually knew was in that much trouble.

It's not always the parents' issues- it's not an assumed default. If you are going to suggest that the parents were at fault or these adult childrem wouldn't have gotten into these things, think  again. Not even close. [/quote]

Yep. There can be toxicity on both sides. If you want a great example of a toxic kid, check out the Family Relationships forum where a kid is currently ranting about cutting off her parents because they 
1. didn't get her a car until a senior year of high school, 
2. refused to pay out-of-state tuition for college
3. refused to pay for junior year abroad, but did take her abroad
4. bought her a condo in Manhattan, but this was only to "control" her

[/quote]

Nope.  You’re twisting the story.  First off, I haven’t cut off my parents.  But I do have issues with the fact I wasn’t allowed to find my own job and pay for a car and I was upset I couldn’t apply to OOS schools and take out loans.  HUGE difference from what you describe above.  [/quote]

You're actually upset your parents didn't allow you to take out massive loans to attend college out of state? [/quote]

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