Reply to Has Duran gone mad? (APS)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the poster to whom you originally responded with suggestions.  I understand that you were trying to be helpful, I really do.  But it is also tiresome, because underlying your suggestions is an assumption that I'm some lazy, disengaged, etc., parent who just isn't trying hard enough to help her child learn effectively.  That I'm just screaming for schools to open because I don't want to parent my kid.

I have engaged.  I have thrown everything I have into this, plus time and money I don't, to try to make distance learning work for him because I appreciate that if we could make distance learning effective for everyone, it would solve this whole issue because we would simply continue with distance learning until the pandemic is over.  But distance learning isn't working for him.  In some ways, I'd rather see APS punt on this whole school year, just cancel it and repeat the year next year, because I'm deeply worried that my child is getting left behind and that no one in the schools is going to take responsibility for making up what he didn't learn this year.

I'm also worried about the toll this is taking on him mentally.  He is now in teletherapy (that I'm running up credit card debt to pay for) because the effects of the isolation became so bad that I was worried he was going to hurt himself.  He is in sixth grade, in a bunch of classes with kids he doesn't know (because his school somehow managed to put him in classes with almost no one from his elementary school).  His middle school has done virtually nothing to help the sixth graders integrate socially through this, so online learning has become a huge source of anxiety for him, always worried about whether his picture is showing on everyone else's screen (and afraid to speak up to ask a question because then he'll definitely be on everyone's screens, even after he's done talking) and a bunch of kids who barely know him will see him doing something embarrassing and that's how everyone at middle school will know him going forward.  If I didn't have to work, I would withdraw him and homeschool because I am that worried about the toll this is taking on him, but becoming homeless would take an even worse toll.

So please, go ahead and keep assuming that I'm just some ignorant, disengaged parent who doesn't care about teachers, but also know that your assumptions are false and offensive.  I care about the teachers, but I can't care about them more than I care about my own child.[/quote]

To the parent who wrote this: I am so, so sorry to hear this. Have you reached out to the school? Because if one of my students’ parents told me this, I would be bending over backward to get them support.[/quote]

What kind of support do you think the school should be able to provide?  If there's something our school could be doing but isn't, I'd be happy to hear it.[/quote]

DP. There isn’t. But I think you should also be realistic that your son has school anxiety. Possibly general anxiety exacerbated by it. If he doesn’t know kids in his classes and is afraid they’ll see him in camera, how does that work when it’s time to go back in? It’s good you have him in therapy. I dont envision that need going away even in hybrid because your kid has anxiety. Probably always will. There’s nothing wrong with that, lots of kids do. But distance learning didn’t create if and hybrid won’t fix it. He is at a vulnerable age in a pandemic and his life is upside down. He will have other things that cause anxiety in school. Based on what I know of secondary kids, he sounds like my students who hate and avoid group work and presentations too. Don’t socialize much at school. I’m not trying to tell you there’s nothing wrong and you’re doing the right things - but I also think you’re pinning too much hope on hybrid “fixing” him. Normal 5x a week in person school is ...really hard for kids like your son. Whatever the format. [/quote]
This is a very ignorant statement that reflects nothing but your own biases and agenda.[/quote]

I’m trying to help a mom. Who could honestly be the mom of any one of my students and this is what I would say to them. What agenda does that serve. [/quote]
DP. Nah, you’re just a hateful bitch who maligns children to suit your own ends.  [/quote]

I’m the PP who talked about bending over backwards to help this family. First of all, I’m elementary, so middle school may be different. And I would be alarmed and concerned if a parent told me these things were going n with one of “my” kiddos. I’d start by reaching out to an administrator, and we’d arrange a meeting (online) with the parent, me (teacher), school counselor, and school psychologist.

I don’t know exactly what they can do for you, mama (or dad), but they can’t help at all if they don’t know about these issues.

Some possibilities include time with the school counselor or psychologist, possibly changing at least a few classes so he knows some people, and being accommodating about camera requirements and some assignments.
[/quote]
The kid already has a therapist, who is probably more effectively than a school counselor who’s just going to try to slap on a bandaid and then send the family on their way.  At this moment, there probably is nothing the school can do to help this kid.  Fortunately Duran seems to be better able to see the big picture and weigh everyone’s needs, and is now looking to reopen soon.[/quote]

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