Reply to If you suspect that your spouse is on the cusp

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, in my experience, you can do everything possible to try to win them back while they're in an EA, and it won't stop it. Only removing them from the situation (which isn't necessarily doable if they work together) and totally breaking off contact will let it die out. It's like an intoxicating drug.[/quote]

This is true.  If they don't see each other, the EA tends to fade.  It's the contact that keeps these relationships going.

Plus these are unconsummated.  The itch stays unscratched.[/quote]

DH here...I agree with both comments above.  I am in love with a coworker who is hotter than DW (looks like a fitter, nympho version of Jennifer Love Hewitt).   We've acknowledged the mutual attraction and that we'd love to sleep with each other, but it ain't happening because of our marriages.  So the EA continues at the flirty, smolder level that exists exclusively within work hours.   I try to minimize any mention of EAP's name at home, even though she's often on my mind.   We never do lunch, and don't even have each other's cell numbers because we know that takes us down a path we've decided to avoid.
 [/quote]

Yeah, the thing is that you have decided NOW that you're not going to go down that path. You have already justified the flirting and smoldering to yourselves. You have already discussed having sex and acknowledged your attraction. The way this works is that you'll continue as you are until something happens with your wife that justifies, in your mind, an escalation. It might be a real thing, it might be something you've amped up in your head, but you'll tell yourself that whatever the thing is, it's a good enough reason to scale back your boundaries. Go to lunch with your "friend" or exchange cell numbers just in case.

I had an affair that started like this. I ended my marriage when I realized we were crossing lines. I don't feel great about what I did, but I will say that I was living under the same delusion you're living under right now. You think that you can keep it in a box, but you can't.[/quote]

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