Reply to SIL getting remarried but no humility re 2nd wedding

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So my SIL is getting remarried.  We're very happy for her and all. However, we all expected that her 2nd wedding would be a more understated affair than the first, which was a blowout.  I was a bridesmaid in the first and still have the silly dress.  We spent a lot of time & money for the first wedding.  Now the 2nd wedding is turning out to be a repeat of the first, essentially.  It will be a full Catholic mass and a full dinner/dancing reception.  Huge bridal party.  AND, she has asked me to be a bridesmaid again!  We're already going to be spending time and money to travel across the country for this 2nd wedding.  Now this.  Is there [b]any[/b] way I can say no to being a bridesmaid or otherwise register my dismay with the way this wedding planning is going?

Again, we're happy for her and wish her the best.  But I thought 2nd weddings were supposed to be more low-key - - at least the ceremony?  If they want to throw a big party that's fine, but to make us all press repeat on the big wedding - - dress, shoes, hair, pictures, etc etc etc - - seems obnoxious.  The only thing she hasn't done is register . . . yet.

Do I just need to grit my teeth and get over it?  Or is there some tactful way I could decline being a bridesmaid and suggest she tone it down? [/quote]

OP, read your post again. Your problem isn't that she's getting married again or the way she's doing it, it's with what "we all expected."  I assume you all expected the first marriage to last forever. It didn't, she's moved on, and she's under no obligation to match what she wants with the expectations of "we all."

If you want to go to the wedding to show your support, then do that. If you can't, then explain why it's not possible - with nothing about your expectations - and then send a gift or hold a party close to your home, or in some other way show your support for her decision.

In other words, you're also under no obligation to match what you want with HER expectations.  [/quote]

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