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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Let me see if this is sinking in. So..I get off work, I exercise, I clean the house, I bathe the kids and do dinner, homework, etc. DH is a lazy POS and hasn't done much of anything but come home from work and veg on the tv or phone. I don't get mad or feel resentful about this because hey, if I want to clean or feed the kids that's my side of the road to worry about, not his? Is the idea that he'll see me happy and not complaining and will eventually join in and help?[/quote]

1+.  No joke.  This is like: "How to be a doormat: 101."  Success is... When after you do 95% of all the work you don't get so mad when your dear POS ("DPOS"?) criticizes all you've done???  Is this what you want for your daughters?? How can you possible be offering this as good advice?[/quote]

[b]OP here. But here's the thing, if my husband criticized me, I would laugh in his face and walk away. For example, if I walked in the door and my husband complained about the house being messy, I would just shrug, invite him to pick up, go upstairs and change and continue on my evening. Because I don't care what he thinks about what I'm doing. I'm happy with it. If he's unhappy about the state of the living room, he's free to clean it. I'm going to make dinner or do whatever I think is important. I'm not going to whip myself into a frenzy either frantically picking up or fighting over who should do what in terms of cleaning. I'm going to do what I want to do. He's free to do what he wants as well.[/b]

[b]For the first PP, I find it strange your husband would hole up in another room and ignore everyone. You all see each other for like an hour or two during the work week (as working parents). I wouldn't be bothered by him not cleaning or feeding the kids. I would be more troubled that he doesn't want to interact with ANY of you. That's a more severe issue than someone complaining that they are doing more work than someone else. [/b]

I think the big thing is viewing it through the lens of "is this the hill I want to die on" or not. It made me realize what is a priority and what isn't.[/quote]

Sure, but based on your experience, how would you handle this? Let bygones be bygones and shrug and ignore it? [/quote]

For the critical husband complaining about the mean I made or how much I cleaned or how the kids are taken care of? I would shrug and tell him he's free to do things his way if he wants, make his own meal, or do whatever it is he thinks needs to be done for the kids. And then I'd go on do what I want to do. For example, I take the kids dental health much, much more seriously than my husband did when the kids were small. He sucked at brushing their teeth and flossing. So, I didn't complain. I just made it my own priority and brushed my kids teeth and flossed them until they were five or six. Similarly, DH really values getting in nature, hiking, etc. I hate that crap. I stopped pretending or wanting to spend my weekends wandering around the woods. He takes the kids without me and I do what I want during that time (our kids are older now 11, 13).  Other posters put examples, like cooking in the thread. Even cleaning. I have certain things that are important to me. But I'm not going to lose sleep or be frustrated if my husband wishes the house was cleaner. He can clean it. I also don't need my DH to make me feel good about my choices. I am content with them. I don't need his approval. [/quote]

Thanks! What about this problem? [/quote]

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