Reply to High school senior daughter asked me "What's the point of all this?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Why do so many of these posts end up being a defense of elite schools because by going to an elite school, you can make a ton of money (consulting/finance) or meet the right people?

To the OP, your daughter should think about getting to a school that will have her intellectual and emotional peers. The truth is you can get a quality education at many, many places, but the student body and personality will change fro school to school. Where will she thrive, be able to pursue her greatest loves and interests, and find herself as a young adult? For any individual, there ARE places that will not be good for her: and yes, it does happen that students are too intellectual for School A, or not intellectual enough for School B. It also happens that a school is too business-oriented, or too leadership oriented, or too main-stream, or too quirky. The kids could be too academic, or not academic enough... too much focussed on junior year abroad, or not enough focussed on international experiences. Find 5-8 schools that she would really fit in!

I went to an elite school, and met some extraordinarily intelligent people. For me, that was of primary importance and I'm glad I did it. At the same time, as a public school kid, it was hard and eye-opening to learn about the wealth and value-system of some of the people at this school. I have no doubt I would have thrived at a less highly-ranked school, but it would have been harder to find that peer group. I also KNOW that I have received opportunities that are not afforded to kids who go to less prestigious places, and it's a little hard to put your finger on how it works on a systemic level. Some graduate schools in academic fields only pick among elite schools, because students from other elite schools are "known" quantities. Some summer jobs I had wanted to have that prestige factor among the people they hired. One major consulting job I had also wanted the prestige behind it, and were explicit about it. Some opportunities then led to others, not for my alma mater, but because of my previous experience. How could I possibly know what would have come my way without that?

I also agree with the posters who noted that mental health is probably THE most important feature of success after college, no matter where you go to college. To the OP, if your daughter is competitive to enter Penn or Duke, she will no doubt be successful no matter. The rat race is horrible for what it does to kids, and it's disheartening to see that many colleges "fall for" kids who "brand themselves" in order to get in. Some colleges actively try to defend themselves against people who overcommit and take 10 AP exams; they say "we want community service!" And of course, the kids who take 10 APs also have to fit in community service, and they find a way to do so, or lie about doing so....  Unless it's really who they are underneath, these kids will either have hollow experiences once arriving at Elite University, or they will not get out of it what they put in. But for the kids for whom it comes naturally to work hard and love doing that, plus a bit of luck, they can get into these schools and feel good about themselves.

Help your daughter be true to herself, and provide for her the experience/wisdom/insight you have about the value of any school she goes to, without letting her sell her integrity for the process. [/quote]

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