Reply to Anyone find it hard not to be judgy of low status family?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you come across as half as patronizing IRL to your family, I can only imagine that it falls on deaf ears. You are so convinced that you and your DH have figured it all out and ignoring the sacrifices that you made. Sacrifices that they are unwilling to make. Most people actually do not want move away from the comfort and community of their hometown. It's true that they will not have the same opportunities to create wealth or gain "status" (whatever you mean by that...) but that's not the only measure of a happy life.

What I don't understand is why you are pressing the issue? I assume you're between the ages of 35-45, so have been maintaining your sibling relationships as an adult for 15-20 years. Why are you inserting yourself in their lives? Why can't you respect their choice of inaction? Accept it, move on.

If your nieces and nephews desire to leave the nest to follow a more successful path, they know how to get in touch with you to seek your "sage" advice. [/quote]

To be clear, they [b]WANT[/b] their children to be successful (college, professional careers, etc.). They KNOW their region is hopeless.

I think what motivates my husband and I is we know the feeling of not knowing any better. We see the doors that closing due to inaction. My family doesn't. The old 'you don't know what you don't know'.[/quote]

Are they offering up this information and asking for your help? Or are you asking "do you want your kids to be successful" and then they answer "yes"...that's a big difference. Do they call and ask your advice and then do nothing?

If they are, then stop giving them advice. Really. If you can't maintain a relationship without trying to "help" then you need to walk away. You found a way out because you were motivated to do so. And it worked out. Good on you. They are not motivated like you are. Accept it. Find some compassion and empathy instead of judgment. They are still good people, with good hearts, no?[/quote]

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