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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If her family lives overseas it could be a family apartment/investment? Chinese or Indian?[/quote]

Indian[/quote]

I knew it! Parents usually pay for or at least give down payment for a couple's first home.[/quote]

What? I'm married to an Indian-American man and his parents never gave us a penny! They are not poor either.[/quote]

Do they not approve of you?[/quote]

They didn't like me at first (I'm not Indian)  but they've warmed up to me over the years especially after having kids. Is that why they don't pay for anything?[/quote]

I am from a similar immigrant community and people have really negative stereotypes about American women- the most relevant of which is that they will not stick with the marriage.  So they refrain from giving their kids that marry Americans any money in case "the worst" happens, then they will give their kids money.  Once you had children and they got to know you this worry was relieved a little bit, but they're not giving your family money until they die.  I've seen it happen in my family.[/quote]

Wow. This is the first time I've heard this, despite being married to my husband for 15 years! That was an eye opener. Thanks.  [/quote]

Stereotypes suck, but it's not a completely unreasonable decision.  My family comes from a culture where people will pour their life savings into buying their children an education, wedding, and home with furnishings.  This is on the assumption that the child's married unit will endure, and that their children will take care of them into old age.  Realistically, Americans get divorced more often than these people, and they are not inclined to financially support their parents.  So, is it totally cruel to hold back on the financial help a little?  I don't think so.[/quote]

I think a lot of these cultures (Indian and also other traditional Asians/Middle Eastern) are seeing first hand that divorces are happening -- whether your child marries an American or someone of the same culture -- and they see family strife is happening; everyone knows someone who has been hit by these problems. It's not as cut and dry now in the 2000s as it was in our parents' generation -- where you married pretty much in an arranged set up and lived with it, whether you loved each other or not, and oh if your arrangement included marrying an oldest son, your inlaws WOULD live with you upon retirement, whether you liked it or not. So to the extent that parents were handing over money back then to help their son build a home it would be there home too in a few years.

Fast forward a few decades. Indian born American "kids" are marrying Indians raised here and are marrying Americans, so the life views differ from the old country ways. Often those spouses fall out of love with each other, cheat, whatever -- so divorce happens as they won't suffer in silence for the next 50 yrs. And often one spouse or the other makes it very clear that no parent or inlaw will be living with them no matter what. Hence the "parent" generation is realizing this and realizing it is best that they hang on to their own retirement money, and after they fund college and/or weddings (if they can), they next focus on their own nest eggs. If after that nest egg, there is still excess money -- well then they're happy to help with grandkids' education or give some to their own child, but typically not to a spouse who could theoretically leave at any moment.[/quote]

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