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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I haven't cheated but my husband has.  He clearly had the OW on some sort of fantasy pedestal.  I wonder if why it's so hard for some of you to get over your APs is because of that fantasy.  It was an escape from whatever you perceived to be your marital issues.  This other person was exciting because that's what it's like in the beginning of good relationships.  I remember the rush of new love.  It seems consuming.  And in many relationships the love can turn into something more comforting and IMO profound, but it doesn't have that urgent factor.  It seems like the entire setup of an affair is conducive to keeping the excitement and rush alive.

Anyway, while it's invigorating for the cheaters, it's beyond devastating for the spouse.  I think the first thing you should do to get over an AP is to not see him/her.  So get a new job or figure out ways to improve your life that don't involve betrayal.  If your spouse is in fact a terrible person, then do the honorable thing and leave first, and then find your bliss.  FWIW, I think self-reflection after an affair can be very profound for a cheater if you take responsibility and really try to figure out why that was your coping mechanism.  Good luck.[/quote]

I was/am the " ow". I agree with all of this. I feel awful about the way we met. When he left his wife I began therapy. It feels shitty to one day tell our kids how we met.[/quote]

It will also feel shitty to tell your kids how their dad cheated on you. Because if he cheated *with* you then you can bet your ass he will cheat *on* you once you become the new normal and boring...[/quote]

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