Reply to losing interest in spouse in sexless marriage

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, not to scare you, but my former AP was in the same exact situation, except his situation has been going on for 15 years.  We were together a few times but he couldn't handle the guilt and broke it off.  Then he asked her for an open marriage, and she said if he did that then there would be no chance she would ever rekindle again.  So he stays.

The very best thing you can do for yourself is to go to therapy and work on why you are trying to make yourself ok with this.  My former AP was a close friend and co-worker, and he did the exact same thing you are doing - trying to reconcile himself with the unreconcilable.  He's still doing it even though his youngest is 21.  And he's still staying.  Do you really want that to be you 12 years from now?  He literally has not had sex with her in at least 15 years, and there is no intimacy, and he talks about the gifts with no thought, etc.  He tries to paint it as no sex but it is really no intimacy of any kind, nothing that shows she thinks about him other than as a live in handy man and meal ticket.

Please don't let this be you.  Our affair ended 8 months ago, to the extent you want to call it that (it was more like we kept trying to stop and then would end up in a work situation with alcohol every 6 months or so, and oops.  The full on part of it had been over for some time.).  I really loved the guy and had known him for years and was recently separated when this went down.  It was heart breaking when it didn't work out for us.  But I told him I didn't want to be a mistress and that he had to make a choice.  He did - to stay in the sexless marriage.  Now I am watching it slowly destroy him and make him into someone I don't even recognize - someone who feels his life is over.

Don't let it be you, OP.[/quote]

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