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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here and I guess the consensus here is to stay out of it, which is what I'm going to try and do. Someone asked if they have ever asked for money and no they have not. I did offer to help out with their down payment on the house but they declined. I will be forever grateful to my daughter-in-law for getting my son back on track. I guess I just don't think her helping him figure things out should give her a free ride for the rest of her life.

Also, while she may have helped him figure out what direction to go in career wise, he still did the work to get where he is. Yes she found the posting to the job he currently has and helped him apply, but he was the one who showed up to the interview and got the job.[b] I guess I can't help but think that maybe she planned all this from the beginning. She was only 19 when they met and she could see that he was intelligent and had potential.[/b] I really just cannot imagine why she does not want a career of her own.  [/quote]

Whoa, you went from "he earned it" to "she planned it" in one sentence! I think it sounds paranoid to imply she's been grooming your son to be a provider since 19 so she wouldn't have to work, especially if she has supported him in the past - would you have said he was counting on a free ride for the rest of his life then? Life is long, marriage roles change, and marriage is a partnership where different people contribute in different ways .She may very well want to work again or have kids in a few years. Or not...but don't stress about 20 years down the line yet, and don't act like she's in your son's debt because of an imagined future, or like she's a gold digger if he was a pothead when they met.
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