Reply to Cousin disrespected wishes, put my family in terrible position

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here.

I appreciate the sympathy about money but I'm not asking the other cousins to pay. Picture a thread like this:

"A group of 6 cousins and our kids are all going to the beach. One cousin has a very scary mother and we all agreed that we would not let the mother know this one cousin was coming. Anyway, one of us told the mother, and now the other cousin can't come. We all sympathize with her and are frankly irritated with the person who broke our promise.

The thing is, now the cousin with the crazy mom is saying she won't pay and the rest of us have to split her share.  I am really sad for her but I don't think it's fair to me. The rest of us kept up our end of the bargain. We could go after the cousin whose fault it is but she is defensive about it and we don't want to go into our vacations with drama or resentment.

Should I have to pay for her mistake?"

I think a post like this would get a mix of answers here, mostly saying the the crazy mom cousin and the big mouthed cousin needed to work it out and it was not anyone else's problem.

Finding a replacement for our rooms is not an option. It's a family event and there are no other family members free. It would be weird to throw some unrelated friends into the mix.

With all I have going on, the money is the least of our problems. I don't want to add stress for people who did nothing wrong.

I am completely done with loudmouth cousin, though. This is unfortunate because our kids like each other.

Meantime I got up this morning and found my mom had broken through my child's internet blocks by creating a new gmail profile.

I've looked into restraining orders and we don't meet the standard in our jurisdiction. At this point she is bugging us but not threatening harm. The court clerk and a lawyer confirmed we wouldn't win.

So we're ducking out and getting additional IT help.

Thanks for the nice staycation suggestions but in all honesty, that is a sucky alternative. None of my child's friends are in town so it's just her and us instead of having several kids she likes living with her.

We live in a cramped and crappy rental without central air conditioning and were looking forward to sleeping without the sound of window units rattling. We can see a museum or park year round. Nothing special about that. The weather is sucky here. We wanted salt air. If this sounds whiny I don't care. Nobody in their right mind would be anything but disappointed.

I decided to ask a nice cousin to inform crazy mother my family is not going. That person also agreed to tell crazy mother we're going to Seattle instead. That's nice and far away. If she wants to stalk it'll cost her $500 or more. Nice  cousin had no problem with this plan.  She's sympathetic.

Sometimes you just lose out on things you want. Anyone who has survived a terrible family of origin knows this. You lose out on Thanksgiving and Christmas and there's nothing you can do (my spouse is an only child with deceased parents). You lose out on guidance from your elders. You lose out on help when you have a kid. You learn to suck it up because you don't need to lose valuable time to the drama.

People who post about honoring parents like this frankly scare me. You might not believe it but the unavoidable conclusion is you believe you can abuse your kids consequence free, or they can avuse your grandchildren consequence free. You're in the abuser camp unless you're irretrievably stupid. So good luck with that, and good luck to the people you love. [/quote]

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