Reply to Fiance oblivious to his son's issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - didn't expect this thread to still be active.

Fiance's niece (so his son's cousin) was down visiting with her mom (fiance's sister), and he said something really offensive to her about being fat. Fiance was upstairs so didn't hear it, and I just sat there wide-eyed. She straight up asked me what was wrong with him and if he's autistic and why he acts like that as soon as he left the room. I just shrugged and was like "I'm not sure what's going on". She didn't want to say anything to my fiance either.

Literally every weekend I have a story about something the son said and did. It's like when a toddler blurts out something in a grocery line and everyone laughs. But he's 11.

Is it possible that he just has never been taught proper social behavior or etiquette? That no one corrects him so he just keeps doing it? Or maybe he is attention seeking? Maybe he is just one of those people who is "quirky" but no one has reigned it in to the point of telling him to tone it down. I'm not trying to excuse it and act like my fiance and ignore it, but I don't want to put a label on him either.

There is no chance that my fiance or biomom will get him tested. They both don't think there is anything wrong with him and that he's so nice and polite. It's true. He's very nice. He doesn't mean to be rude. But he is. But if I'm gonna be attacked for it, I'm not gonna say anything and get "beaten up" about it by them for suggesting their son has special needs. [b]And if this thread is any indicator, it won't go well bringing it up.[/b] 
[/quote]

This thread has actually been very supportive of the idea that the kid is probably a good kid with some kind of disorder that might be contributing to a social skills deficit.  This thread has corrected lots of misinformation you seemed to have about the possibility of school services to help diagnose and treat the social skills deficit.  Where this thread has not gone well for you, is where you have tried to blame bioMom for the social skills deficit and used his school placement as an excuse to suggest change in custody.  If you are ready to suggest in a supportive manner to your fiance that you think DSS is a terrific kid and bioMom has been doing a good job, but DSS seems to have inappropriate social skills that might benefit from more support and perhaps an assessment/diagnosis and that that's important so he can feel less anxious and have more friends, then I think that can "go well" for you.

But, if your idea is to raise these issues to criticize bioMom, argue for a change in school placement or custody or plump up bioDad's involvement, then, no, I don't think that's going to go well for you. [/quote]

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