Reply to Is it harder to be a SAHM in the suburbs?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - I live in MD in a far out burb with no real neighborhood. There is no option of neighborhood friends bc there are simply no house nearby. We can walk down our long driveway but we live off of a fast and fairly busy road. It sucks in so many ways and like you, we bought before we had kids. But....you can get past this. Here is what we do:

1) Go to a few classes every week that require pre registration. This means the same moms and babies are there every week and that way you get to know others. Then invite them over. It feels weird but I have invited over the moms and kids from our music and gymboree type class over at the end of every session. More times than not I hit it off with 1-2 moms in particular from that session so we continue to have playdates with them even if we are not doing the same classes. This is about YOU, not your kids. Babies and toddlers want mom and benefit from a little socialization but this is about YOU meeting people to keep YOUR sanity. Don't get confused about this.

2) You are going to drive a lot and thats ok. We don't live close to anyone or anything. We drive at least 15 minutes to anything besides a playground but but to see a friend or go to a class we often drive 30 min each way. I have early birds so we head out around 8:30 and are back in the car by 11 to be home for lunch and naps. After nap we might go out again but if we drove a lot in the AM I try to do something fun at the house.

3) Fun at the house. Buy some kid stuff. We have a baby pool, a water slide that goes in the grass, water table, play set, play house. Its fun for my kids but its also fun for kids who we invite over, which we do frequently. We host a BBQ in the summer about once a month and I invite everyone I know from all different groups...friends from a baby group I was in 2+ yrs ago, classmates at music/gymboree, moms we met once at the local playground. I think everyone has a good time! Or at least a good enough time to keep coming back! All this inviting means others invite you to their parties and you can meet more people there. I met a mom who lives 10 minutes away (amazing!) at a bday party of a mutual friend.

4) We signed both our kids up early for 'preschool'. At 2 yrs old they did 2 morning a week. This created another network of friends for them and for me. We continue at the same school for preschool and have enjoyed the social aspect of school sponsored events.

5) Agree with others about getting a hobby. I am involved with our church. Again, more friends. Invite them all to the BBQ. Get out and do other kid activities. Go to story time at the library, join a pool club, volunteer, get a babysitter and go see some old friends.

Its really about you. I make friends easily but its not always easy. Its awkward at first and I often make the first move but its ok. You do what you need to and so often people are grateful for the invitation. Get out there!!![/quote]

OP here.  These are very inspiring tips!  I like them.

Just wanted to make a few comments on what you discussed.

With regards to #1, we are in a lot of classes all year round, at least 3 per quarter.  However, in nearly every class, it's all nannies with their toddlers.  Occasionally I will meet a mom in one of these classes but most of the time they aren't very friendly.  Also, I'm not sure how you have time to chat with these moms in these classes.  My toddler is super active and running around, and I have to keep a super close eye on him.  Also the other moms are doing the same (for example, gymnastics).  I find it very difficult to have more than a 1 minute conversation at a time with anyone at these types of classes.  It was much easier to socialize when my child was an infant and less mobile, but now at 2.5 he's a whirlwind of activity, so I haven't found these types of classes to be very helpful for socialization for me.  He loves them, though, so we continue to do them.  This summer we're in three of these types of classes.

With regard to #3, are you having these get togethers during the weekdays or on the weekends?  I have only tried to invite people over on the weekends, when my husband is around so I have extra help cooking and setting up, etc.  I have not been very successful in trying to invite people.  They all seem super busy and decline my invites, or they do come over and it's not reciprocated.  I keep thinking back to a family we invited over for a BBQ 2 months ago, we seemed to have fun but I have not heard from them since (not even a thank you email or anything).  That bums me out, and my husband and I are left to wonder why.

With regards to #4, we are starting preschool early in the fall, and I am hoping to find a sense of community there and make friends.  I plan to volunteer to be the room parent, so I can get to know more people since our preschool is not a co-op.

With regards to #5, I do need a hobby.  My part-time job (which I do on the weekends) is fun and a nice way to do something different from SAH.  But a hobby would be helpful too.  Will have to think more about a social hobby I could do.  I have tried different groups on meetup from time to time but found that I never really saw the same people at events, so it was harder to make new friends.

[/quote]

PP here. OP - I hate to say this but I think your attitude is the problem. I don't mean this to be hurtful but its clear you want things to be different so you should focus a bit more on what you can do.

I mostly plan things during the weekday and around naps. I do something for a long period of time so people can drop in and out. Never weekends. You are aiming for moms here! You don't need to cook. I put together a snack tray during nap time. Fruit, cheese, crackers, veggies, whatever. Yes, I host BBQs with my husband on weekends but these are two different events. The BBQs are more with people we know a bit better. But I'd have a  stranger over to my house for a playdate.

At the second to class class you attend announce you are hosting a party on X date and everyone is invited. If only one person comes, fantastic. [/quote]

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