Reply to Wife's birthday coming up -- if her ex-affair partner contacts her I am going to lose it

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Reply to "Wife's birthday coming up -- if her ex-affair partner contacts her I am going to lose it"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I guess I'm anxious because I haven't fully built back the trust yet. It takes a long time to rebuild that.

On the one hand, I don't even want to mention him. On the other hand, I feel like I should say to her, "If he reaches out to you, I want to know," and then I need to trust that she'll tell me. If he reaches out, she doesn't tell me and I find out, then all our reconciliation efforts are out the window and I have to assume the worst. I was trickle-truthed for months about him and I can't handle much more of it. [/quote]

How about if he reaches out to you I want you to ignore him and return the 'gifts'?[/quote]

OP, if you feel this way, you should not be living with your wife.  You're not living, you're existing.  This guy is controlling your emotions.  Seriously, why are you still with this woman?[/quote]

Yes, I think the real issue is that OP still does not trust his wife.  This needs to be addressed, ideally with counseling.[/quote]

This is very helpful about "trust" from marriagebuilders.com
[i]
Part of this problem is that spouses are often led to believe that trust is something you are required to do when you are married. You have to trust your spouse. But trust is not a requirement for marriage; it's a reaction to experience. It grows as each spouse shows himself or herself to be trustworthy.[/i]

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8121_trust.html
[/quote]

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