Reply to I'm on the verge of divorce, talk me down

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, a lot of people have given you a hard time. And I get where they are coming from in a sense, but I think it's because you are framing this issue incorrectly.

You seem to think this is about cleaning and mess, but I think it's really about you feeling shit on.

My DH use to do this all the time too, and once in a while still does - throws his socks all over, leaves cabinet doors open, etc.

There is a direct correlation between how "controlled" he feels and when this kind of behavior starts up.

The more I would harp, the more he resisted. Eventually I recognized this pattern and started backing off. I would show him that I was willing to accommodate his preferences, too (which are to be less rigid than me about tidiness). I *gasp* just started picking up his socks. I started shutting the cabinet doors behind him.

You know what happened? He started getting a whole lot more receptive when I said "Honey, I know you really like to chuck your stinky socks all over our bedroom, but would you mind please at least trying to confine them to one corner? That would mean so much to me."

But only AFTER I dropped the power struggle was he receptive to that. [/quote]

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