Reply to Help! Dating question: are my expectations wrong?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]op, there's a lot of variety out there.  personally, in my early 30s, I definitely hold off on any significant sexual activity for at least 5 or 6 dates to ensure that we are a good personality match.  if that's a problem for a guy, I'd rather move on to someone else.  the personality match is more important now that I'm older and dating to marry rather than just for fun and companionship. I'm looking for an adult man who can control himself and isn't ruled by his appetites.  but most important is the personality match.  if I want sex I can get it easily.  I'm looking for lifetime compatibility and someone who can't wait a few extra weeks isn't the kind of partner I'm interested in.  so just hang in there a little longer.  what's the big rush?[/quote]

Because in selecting for a lifetime partner, you are deliberately depriving him of sex simply to see if he will put up with your use of sex as a weapon of control in the relationship.  That's your hurdle or criteria for the man you want to partner with, since you already know you can get as much sex as you want, easily, (and must be assuming) that he can't, and is therefore, willing to put up with your little "test."

"Personality match" is your way of saying you want to ensure that you will be calling the shots forevermore in the relationship.  What better way to test that out then by arbitrarily withholding sex just to see if he is passive enough to put up with that?  If you can make him jump and beg for sex, then you kind of know you will be in total control of the relationship, since you can always resort to the same tactic--sex denial--at any time in the future if he is not sufficiently compliant.  And that's exactly what many wives do, and why there are so many sexless marriages.

On the other hand, if you can get sex easily, that means you already have done so, probably many times over.  But those sexy guys who make you lose your composure and willing to have sex on the first or second date don't fit your criteria for long term relationship because you know you can't make them beg for sex and you know they won't wait for it.[/quote]

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