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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
This is OP. dh's father is extremely passive and gets pushed around by his overbearing wife a lot. I am appalled at how he takes on her rude attitude towards him. I feel bad for my dh because he has never had, it seems, a good role model for how to be a husband or father. I am incredibly nice to him and let him lead the house. He was pleasantly surprised at first.[/quote]

OP, seriously. You need to let go of these rigid gender roles. You are fixated on him needing to present as masculine, athletic, and bossy in order to "be a husband or father." Why is that? Why cannot he just be himself? Presumably you liked who that was enough to marry him so it was good enough for him to be a good husband. Why is it not good enough for him to be a father?[/quote]

She probably did not know her FIL was ineffective and passive and her MIL was pushy.  
The real question is what came first?  Overbearing MIL, OR Ineffective FIL which caused MIL to have to do everything.

Or maybe those two types seek each other out.  OP should be careful she and her DH do not fall into that same cycle. Start making chores lists, be clear, be fair, be nice when making requests, but make sure you both are PARTNERS in everything, do not start doing everything -- that will build resentment. [/quote]I know, I've been wondering about that. OP, watch that you don't play the same type of role as your MIL with regard to deciding who your dh should be. Why don't you let him be who he is? If you think your sons will need to be involved with sports, why don't you arrange that? [/quote]

what if he only wants to sit around?  he needs to start stepping up.

I married someone who every weekend and every weeknight asks me, "what should we do?"  After hearing this 10x a day for 7 years it's getting concerning. 
Now he asks our toddlers the same thing constantly, like it's some new style of parenting.  What should we do, what should we do, what should we do, what should we do, what should we do, what should we do, etc.

Ants in the kitchen! what should we do?   Winter break coming up! what should we do?  Pre-school deadlines!  what should we do?  Your parents are coming to visit for a week!  what should we do?  Kid's bday next month!  what should we do?  Taxes due in 4 weeks!  what should we do?

It is exasperating.  And far from attractive.

At some point you have to decide for yourself if you've seen enough and can live this way for longer.  And god forbid something happens to you (accident, mentally, physically), would he step up then for you and his children???[/quote]

This is why women make 70 cents on the dollar. Men are expected to lead and be decisive and are punished if they are not so. This inevitable leads to more leadership roles ($$$) for men.
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