Reply to DH's anti-social nature causing resentment

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I am very sympathetic to you because I'm in the same situation with my DH.  I know you are not going to want to hear this but the solution really is for you to make no invitations mandatory. You give up control, and some time you'd spend with DH, and also the bonding you think might occur between your DH and your friends'/neighbors' DHs, but I am here to tell you that it is better in the long run.

One of my worries when I stopped beating my head against a wall and stopped trying to get DH to like the type and amount of socialization that I liked is that our marriage would suffer.  What happened is that my DH got personally happier and the lack of compatibility between us was revealed, but not made worse.  It was worse for me to have a bored, unsocial DH hanging around me like an albatross, just waiting for me to give the signal to leave.

Very occasionally, he says he wishes I stayed home more, and this is where I'm honest with him.[b] I don't find that sitting next to him in the family room while he simultaneously channel surfs the TV and on his iPad enhances our bond whatsoever.[/b] Even having a meaningful conversation with me tires him out. I don't feel connected to someone just being in the same room - idk, maybe that's a common introvert thing. I told him that five or even 6 nights a week, I do that and I am not willing to stay home 7 nights a week. I now prefer him staying home because I know he'll be happier, and I can stay out as late as I want.[/quote]

I posted at the bottom of page 5 about being frustrated with the "introvert" stuff. The bolded is exactly what I am frustrated by. My DH thinks that that is "spending time together" and I just do not agree with him at all. He's not even looking at me. He's doing other stuff. He's even interacting with other people - on FB, or somewhere else in the internet - but not with me.[/quote]

Introverts chime in here - is this really bonding to you, or just gives a feeling of security? In my case, I am fighting an uphill battle because my in laws like the same amount of socialization - once or twice a month- and don't like to be apart. They do find it bonding and comforting after 55 years to just putz around the house together.  It's a classic incompatibility that I have in my marriage. I feel simply ignored.[/quote]

I don't really understand your post.

Are you saying that you feel ignored because you are married to someone who considers "putzing around the house together" to be bonding, while you would prefer another kind of bonding? [/quote]

I feel ignored when he watches TV (with headphones on!) while surfing his iPad. If I forget he has headphones on and talk to him, he makes a show of effort by pausing his iPad and the TV, taking off the headphones, and saying,"Were you talking to me?" Forget it, just forget it.[/quote]

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