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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't get why this is an issue, except that MIL seems upset that OP and her husband won't be there for long.  IMO, it's totally reasonable to host a July 4 BBQ on July 4 - it's more than a family tradition, it's more like a national holiday celebration.  But it also seems fine that OP and her husband don't want to go because of the baby and the lack of vacation days.  So the issue really seems that the MIL is upset that OP and her husband won't be there the whole time.  This is probably one circumstance that I would suck it up and stay for several hours if you are going anyway.  I get that traffic sucks, but is it worth it to you to hang out with the relatives?  You frame this as if your MIL is making her planning more important than yours, but it is what it is so if you want to see the relatives, you should do it and just handle the drive.  This is more about what you want - your MIL isn't stopping you guys from hanging out.  Your MIL is being unreasonable in being mad, though she wouldn't be unreasonable in believing that you value an easier drive over spending time with relatives.[/quote]
OP and her husband do value spending time with family- that's why they asked around to see if it would inconvenience anyone if it were held on the 3rd instead. The MIL values the date over family, which is why she is unmoving despite the fact that no one would care if it was on the third. All of this 'what's more important to you' talk should be reserved for the MIL.[/quote]

Exactly. If her husband asked his cousins or whomever if the 3rd works for them, and it does, than this is a matter of MIL caring more about THE DATE than time with family that works for everyone.[/quote]

I'm the first quoted PP.  Yes, I agree, the MIL values the date over reworking the party to accommodate everyone.  I just don't understand what the big deal is, I guess.  I wouldn't get upset that a family member didn't change a Fourth of July party to another date if that family member is big on celebrating on the actual date.  But I would also assess my own priorities and decide whether or not to deal with the hassle of traffic.  All sides are prioritizing.  I actually don't think anyone is really wrong, EXCEPT if any of them are being jerks about it.  So if the MIL is being mean and nasty about OP not attending, that's not cool.  And it's not cool for OP to be pissed that her MIL doesn't want to change her tradition.  That's just my take on it.

And, FWIW, I have multiple children and understand that long trips (especially with bad traffic) suck, but it truly is an issue of prioritizing your desire to avoid traffic if you don't go because of that.  I am not saying whether that is bad or good, it's just the priority, which could be totally legitimate.[/quote]

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