Reply to Stop it with 'gaslighting' and 'borderline'

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think many people toss around terms that they don't really understand (calling someone bipolar because of mood swings, etc.).  And some people really know the diagnosis.

My sister is borderline - she has been diagnosed by multiple psychiatrists and has been committed more times than I can count.  She is undoubtedly borderline.  But I'm not super offended if people use the term lightly.  Honestly, if they are exaggerating, I'm kind of glad they don't have to handle the real deal, which can be excruciating and awful.  I love my sister, but her disorder has colored my life and is terrifying, maddening, upsetting, and pity-inducing all at once.  She, however, is on the extreme end of the spectrum.[/quote]

My sister is the same. Are your parents in the picture? Does your sister work? On disability? How does she manage to live on her own?[/quote]

I'm sorry you are in this situation too.  It truly is horrible.  My parents are in the picture and they fund her completely.  She has had one job that lasted for two months when she was 30 (she's 47 now).  She has an associate's degree and she is actually extremely smart.  I have tried to get her to look into disability, etc., but she refuses and says it's degrading.  She says she can work, but that people just need to understand her.  That is just now the case, unfortunately, as she is just so unstable that she truly cannot hold down a job.  I am extremely concerned about her, especially as she gets older because my parents are not going to be around forever and they basically have depleted all of their money caring for her.  I don't have the money to support her - I just don't have it - and she could never move in because she is so destructive and occasionally violent and I cannot subject my kids to that.

The whole situation is so incredibly sad.  I feel bad for myself, but then I realize what she is going through is so much worse.  She alternates between accusing me of all sorts of things and yelling at me, to begging me for help that she can never actually describe.  When I ask her what she needs, she usually breaks down and tells me there actually is nothing I can do.  She is in a lot of pain from her mental illness, and she has been in every kind of therapy.  I used to try to talk to her about how to improve things, but I have realized that, sadly, there is nothing I can do.  I am not sure what the future holds for her, but she has had a very painful life, thanks to how she was treated as a child and her mental illness.  I would not wish BPD on my worst enemy.[/quote]

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