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Reply to "My SIL makes family functions unbearable - I really need to vent."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I'm not projecting because none of my inlaws or extended relatives even know about my infertility story.  And I have never done any of the things you say your SIL has done.

I also didn't paint your SIL with rose colored glasses.

But your story is mixed up.  First, she's mean because she's infertile and you've endured it out of compassion for her situation, but she's pushing the limits.  Then she is mean but using "infertility" as an excuse to behave badly.

I'm not sure she's "bullying" elderly parents into given money.  She can say what she wants, and they can say no.  We're talking about adults.  And that doesn't involve you; it's between her and the parents.

If you don't like her and think she is a "bully" and mean and behaves badly, then distance yourself from her.  Your an adult.  You qualify everything with "I've always been incredibly kind to her regarding infertility."  I don't know what that means.  Do you want a cookie?

If she doesn't something you're upset about, holding a grudge but not saying anything to her isn't "being kind."  It's passive aggressive.  If you are bothered by something she does and you aren't willing to let it go, then you should tell her and then if you reach a standstill, then distance yourself from her.

You need to separate the infertility issue with the relationship issue.  That's my point.  It sounds like you are just as guilty as she is of making all of these disagreements about her infertility, instead of about your relationship, disputes or wrongs that have gone unaddressed, et cetera.

[/quote]

If someone says no and then you escalate a situation to get our way - that is bullying.

No where has OP said she doesn't like her SIL or her SIL doesn't like her. No where has she said she has held a grudge. In fact I am pretty sure she said she has let things go in the past until recent incidents.

If the SIL makes everything about infertility then her family has no choice but to accept that every issue is about infertility.

I feel like you haven't even read what has been said because there is no way you'd be excusing it. Unless you are just being contrary on purpose because you are pissed off the OP dared to mention infertility. [/quote]

Not the pp, but I've read it and not really sure what needs to be acted upon.  SIL sounds Annoying, obnoxious, selfish...but abusive?  I also don't agree that pushing when you hear no is 'bullying.'  It's not like she's a drug addict stealing from the in laws for her habit. Hopefully op's family never has to deal with that kind of real drama.  how is any of this op's business/problem? The comment she overheard at the hospital did not wish ill on her son, just the opposite, in fact.  it was prefaced with a selfish statement which was inappropriate for the time and place.  But all this drama over that?  An intervention? If anything, wouldn't she want to stay out of it so as not to feed her SIL's attempts to get attention for this?  I think op is acting like a drama queen herself, and frankly, this will only escalate the situation.  Hopefully, other cooler heads and more mature members in the family can rise above all this drama and they'll make it through this without resorting to throwing around the Sicilian curses that the people on here are recommending.[/quote]

:roll:

Please stop posting here over and over. Its really obvious.[/quote]

That was my second post here.  not sure what's obvious?  sounds like you are the one posting over and over?  anyway the advice below seems good, except the lending an ear part- SIL might really take that seriously, and I doubt if OP is up for it (frankly only a therapist might be) and it will like just create more family drama.  boundaries, people!:

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[/quote]Op, here is what I'd do. Talk to her before Saturday. Be gentle but honest. "I was just so upset when you completely dismissed my feelings and my son's condition at the hospital. You need to know that your words really hurt and alienate others, even though you're struggling." Let her know you care about her, will even lend an ear, but that you can't tolerate the insults and hurtful things anymore.[/quote][/quote]

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