Reply to Help! Are my husband and I being unreasonable or are my in-laws expecting too much?

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Reply to "Help! Are my husband and I being unreasonable or are my in-laws expecting too much?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One of you should have gone to the wedding. But, that has nothing to do with the kids' party.  You need to learn to establish boundaries with your ILs NOW.  You think things are difficult n ow, wait until you have kids.......[/quote]

Lots of sidetrack posts here focused more on that wedding. It's over and done, folks. Yeah, one of the two should have attended while the other (understandably) stayed with the dog.

But the in-laws also should not make OP and spouse pay and pay for it for years to come.

Totally agree with this PP that you and yours need to establish boundaries. I think that if you go to this party, they'll expect you to be at the next one, and the preschool "graduation ceremony" and the soccer championship and who knows what else in coming years. This time I'd send balloons as someone suggested (or another great gift for the kids, something that will be a big deal on the day itself) and give a very cheery "Sorry we can't be there, but we're sure thinking of you!" response. You do not owe anyone an explanation beyond "That doesn't work for us." They snark? That doesn't work for us. Why can't you come?! It doesn't work for us. Then change the topic or be busy enough that it's time to get off the phone.

I really would prepare in advance for the cold shoulder or the hot blow-up. Think ahead about what you both plan to say to that, so you are not responding off the cuff if there's an angry call or snarky text. Be ready to be cool and calm because drama Does Not Work for Us. And remember: Texts do NOT require instant replies, despite the fact most of us act as if they do; calls do  not have to be picked up but can be left for a call-back later; e-mails don't have to be answered immediately. If you anticipate a fuss over not attending this party, then reply on your terms, in your time. Do send the kids stuff, remember birthdays  and holidays with cards and gifts, send cards etc. to the kids for no reason at all except "I'm thinking of you and this Elmo card talks! Wow!" The in-laws will never be able to say you ignore the kids and you will be able to establish boundaries before you have any yourselves.
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