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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I could easily see it going the other way...that the DE child feels like some sort of science project whereas an adopted child feels grateful. But agree it's hard to predict.[/quote]

12:48 here.  A good friend of mine - an open-minded, well-meaning friend - said something similar about "a science project" when I was trying to decide whether to do DE.  It's understandable because it can be hard to wrap your mind around the process.  I initially had a hard time wrapping my mind around it.  Having multiple miscarriages made it easy for me to focus.  I wanted the baby, and I made an intellectual and emotional leap, not to mention a leap of faith.

Look.  There are probably quite a few kids in the DC area who were born with the use of donor egg or donor sperm.  There are also quite a few kids who were adopted.  Next time you're at a playground, take a look.  Can you guess which kid goes with which parent?  Does any kid look like a science project?  They're just kids.  Once the child is here and gets to be 4, 5, 6, 10, 12 years old - who is focusing on how he or she got here?  If you're the parent, you're focusing on how to get the kids to the bus stop, make sure they've done their homework, drive them to sports practice, invite their friends over, plan birthday parties, plan vacations, etc.  It's easy to focus on the process of conception when you're in this situation, but I think it's very unusual to be thinking about it on a daily basis once the baby is here and once some time has passed.

I'm not trying to convince anyone, by the way.  It's a very big decision - whether to pursue DE, adoption, or to remain child-free or a parent of an only child, in the case of secondary infertility.  All are good options.

If you do decide to go with DE, there are excellent books out there written for small children.  It's not that hard to explain, even to a small child.  I like "Mommy Was Your Tummy Big?" [/quote]

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