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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I was in my twenties, my first love and I broke up in part because of issues surrounding a severe injury I suffered and the possibility that it would lead to a permanent disability. It wasn't explicitly that he broke up with me because of it but he was torn between being young and having fun or being a caretaker and I dealt poorly with being massively insecure about it and took a lot of my anger out on him. In time we both healed and learned a lot. I think we were both fine with chaulking it up to life experience. We were friends for a while afterward, but have not had contact in almost 6 years, because his now-wife was uncomfortable with even the casual, sort of tense friendship we maintained (we have lots of mutual friends and even some that are family friends for both of us, so we were a big part of each other's lives and there was no risk of it becoming romantic again). While I was hurt when his wife cut off our relationship, I understand his family is way more important and I have my own family and life so I haven't thought him in a while. Tonight I just found out that his wife just gave birth to their child several months premature, and that child may have the same lifelong issue that was one of the potential issues I was facing. I don't know why this has hit me so hard but I have been crying all night and I don't even know why. I am so sad for their child and for my ex. I wish I could hug them all right now because it must be hard for them. I am sure he will stick by his family (right?) but I also am having a bunch of weird feelings wishing he could have been mature enough to step up when I needed him, and also fear that he will abandon this baby like he did me, etc. I am not normally a vey emotional person so I dont know why I am feeling this way. This is such a weird situation I don't know who to even talk to about it. So few people really understand what I went through during that time in my life and I'm so different now I don't think a lot of people would even believe it. I'm assuming I can't reach out to even offer support, although I do feel a little tug to. I just need to stay away and mind my own business, right? [/quote]

While it was horrible and crazy for his wife to cut off your friendship (who *does* that in 2016?!), she's likely in a really tough place right now and it would be the decent thing to stay away.[/quote]

I don't at all think it was "horrible and crazy" for his wife to cut off a friendship. You don't have kids with him. You weren't even married to him. Let's be serious, there are very few truly platonic friendships between a man and a woman these days and "friendship" is often how affairs begin. And it certainly seems like you're still carrying a torch for this guy, so the wife's instincts appear spot-on. It is disrespectful to the current spouse to be carrying on an intimate friendship with an ex. So please, let go of him and realize he has moved on with his life. You need to, too. [/quote]

Lol! Yes--it is very intimate to want to be able to peaceable sit across and 10 people father down at a table of a gathering of shared friends from him so our friends can have everyone in attendance to celebrate important birthdays and whatnot. Very high risk we would get it on at the table.   :roll: [/quote]
OP, I happen to agree with you. It was a shitty thing to cut you off completely given how much common friends and history you share. But it's irrelevant at this stage. What's relevant is your attention to the people who clearly don't deserve it. I say tell your friends directly that you have little desire to help people who didn't think of you enough to have as a casual acquaintance. Nobody in their right mind will judge you for that.[/quote]

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