Reply to My child tells me he hates me daily

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Reply to "My child tells me he hates me daily "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stay kind and loving.  "I'm sorry you feel that way, I love you".  Ride it out.  Make sure you're spending quality time doing something with your kid that the kid enjoys.  13 year old hormones are insane.[/quote]

I'm a single parent so I get no backup. I tell my kids they have to treat me with respect -- if they don't feel it, they have to fake it. Not at 13 yet but on the verge. Teaching them to be respectful is part of my job as a parent. I would never tolerate that. I may say [b]'I'm sorry you feel that way, I love you. And you have a right to your feelings, but you are never, ever to say that to me again. would you like it if I told you every time I had a negative feeling about you? We wouldn't be able to function in a family like that, and society can't function with people behaving like that. Nice people don't say things like that." Etc.[/b]

If you are putting up with it, then I"m sorry but you are partially responsible. To me this would be very serious.[/quote]

And then what do you do if you have a kid who says it anyway?[/quote]

Just what I wrote. I think in general a lot of people are permissive about their kids' bad behavior throughout childhood, writing it off as "normal for a kid." I think teaching them how to act is parenting -- if we just let them do what's "normal for a kid," then how do they learn to act the way we expect them to? We are a society that molds people to behave a certain way. It does not just happen naturally. Many parents in this area expect their kids to magically become well-adjusted and behaved as they age. It takes parenting for that to happen, IMO, and because we live with others, we have to learn how to deal with each other harmoniously if we want to be happy and well-adjusted. My two cents.[/quote]

Agree with you completely. Parents here are always saying, "OH it's the age/normal kid behavior/ride it out." Do these people discipline for ANYTHING? Your kid saying "I hate you" is extremely disrespectful but that said, I think a lot of parents just expect that from their kids. They have absolutely zero behavior standards.[/quote]

Most parents of teens that I know are doing the best that they can. It is very destabilizing to see the happy, easygoing kid you used to know turn into an angry, moody teenager. And it IS age appropriate. (Maybe not every single kid, but a lot of them. Look at the books on teenagers - there's a reason why there are so many books on this age.) Not to say it doesn't require parenting - I don't think anyone here has said that. But just as it's age appropriate for a toddler to throw tantrums, angry, assholeish teen behavior is part of their normal development. There are lots of different ways to deal with it, just as there are lots of different ways to deal with a tantruming toddler. Some respond to punishment, some deal better with reasoning and conversation, others need positive rewards. And sometimes parents are overwhelmed or tired or are picking their battles because there are days when there are far bigger fish to fry. If you don't like the way someone is parenting their teen, go home and parent your own, because that's the only one you are responsible for. Just as it's easy to pass judgement on the mom whose kid is on the floor screaming in the grocery store, parents of teenagers are an easy target to say they aren't parenting or they don't care about bad behavior. It is a very hard stage and most people are doing the best they can and trying to figure out what works best for that particular kid. When you see a snippet of someone's life, either in person or in a post on DCUM, that's all it is. A snippet in a much broader context and one that deserves more credit that sweeping generalizations about the way "people around here parent."
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