Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here - no cheating, we met about a year after his divorce / 3 years after mine.

[b]Why should I expect his parents to like her a lot more[/b]

Pp - why the biggest mistake of your life

To the happy pp - what made it work for you [/quote]

Because she's the mother of their grandchildren.  They're going to make the relationship with her a positive one, if they have any sense, to maintain grandchild access, even if it isn't good for their relationship with you.

Remember, OP, you are asking to join a family that has gone through a significant disturbance.  18 months is not very much time in the context of a divorce with children.  You (and your boyfriend) are asking alllllll these people to welcome you into the family, and accommodate your schedule, needs, and preferences, on top of all the compromises they've already had to make for the divorce.  They may not be very interested in doing so if it means giving up something that they value.  Like, for example, if they miss out on a holiday with their grandkids because you want to take the baby to your side of the family.  Remember that a divorce with children affects the whole family.

You think you are a good match for your boyfriend-- of course!  Nothing wrong with that.  But his parents and others may not agree.  Or they may think it's too soon (for him or for the kids), or that he is not ready for a relationship at all.  Your boyfriend certainly has the right to date and re-marry, but other people don't have to like or support any particular relationship.
[/quote]

I'm the ex. My ex-husband's family of origin respect me as DD's mom, but they do not "like me more." We are cordial with each other when we interact, which is almost never, but we do not need to make our relationship anything. They have plenty of grandchild access via their son (and his new wife).

Again, I think that many of these dynamics would exist in a first marriage with children as well. My ex's parents could be resentful if we took DD to see my family at Christmas. The only thing that has changed is that there are now multiple possible places that DD would be at Christmas other than their house. It doesn't really matter if it's "with his wife's parents" or "with his ex's parents" because those both add up to "is not here."[/quote]

I disagree, I think you are adding more people, places, schedules, preferences, and feelings to the system.  Now instead of just your boyfriend, his wife, and her extended family, there's all that and then you and your extended family too.  It becomes a scheduling and logistical nightmare to keep everyone minimally satisfied.  [/quote]

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