Reply to What do I need to know about marrying a man with an ex and shared custody of kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op please keep in mind that most of the negative responses you've gotten are from people who a) are clearly not nor have ever been in this situation and b) don't seem to think this guy deserves any credit or happiness because his first marriage didn't make it. From those of us who have been there you have gotten cautionary advice but the general message that although sometimes hard, doable and worth it and rewarding if done well.[/quote]

Thanks for this - the other comments seem to be pretty hopeless but you're right it sounds like a lot of "my friend did this..." or people with totally hostile / unstable ex's[/quote]

This is a good recent radio show on blended families, that includes some researchers:
http://onpoint.wbur.org/2016/01/27/blended-families-step-families-divorce

From what I heard on the show-research does find that it's quite hard to blend families successfully, it takes a lot of work and time (years), and the success or failure sometimes depends on the developmental stages of the kids involved.  For some families it works out really well, and for some families it's hard but works out with time, but as someone contemplating this situation it's really important to be honest and have eyes open.  I wouldn't say don't do it, but I think you are right to be thoughtful and cautious.  I know posters here make fun of people who suggest therapy for everything, but I think it's a good idea to do a couple sessions with a family therapist or social worker just to help you and future husband (if that's what you decide to do) to make sure that you are aware of the questions you need to ask each other and the issues you need to address going in.[/quote]

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