Reply to DH friendships with women - what's your comfort level

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let's go over this situation, shall we?

[quote]Overall, he has done better at maintaining a night life/social life since DC was born since he is more of a night owl than I am. I will [b]always choose sleep[/b] over a bar/party. He is willing to sacrifice sleep to be social. The result is that I stay home on saturday nights and he goes out [b](some times).[/b] So I am already resentful that he has this part of his life still in tact, while I don't. [b]It's not really what I want for myself anymore - I don't WANT to be out at the bar - but I wish he didn't want it either. I wish he wanted to stay home with me. [/b][/quote]

On the one hand, we have a husband who [b]occasionally[/b] goes out on Saturday nights. On the other, we have a wife, the OP, who has no interest in going out and prefers to go to bed early yet wants her husband to stay at home even though they won't be hanging out together since sleep, by definition, is a state of unconsciousness that precludes intentional socialization.

[quote] He [b]usually[/b] goes out with his best guy friend, who happens to be single. In fact, the friend has gone on a date or two with the bookstore girls. That was DH's original explanation for having one of the girls' phone numbers was b/c he was setting the girl up with his friend. He will tell me again and again how the girls are dating other people or whatever - like how Jen was coming from a Tinder date on sat night. Or Sally went on a date with DH's buddy. DH told me once before that he bumped in to a couple of the staff when they were getting off work and they grabbed a beer together. that was a couple weeks ago. He has phone numbers for a couple of them as they have offered to babysit DC. but I dont know what else they text about if not to set up babysitting. On sat night he went out to watch a boxing match on TV (you have to watch at a bar that has the specific channel) and when he got home I asked who else joined him and he said "Jen." I said "who's Jen?" "Jen from the bookstore. I know you find it weird that they are my friends, but they are." [/quote]

On the rare occasions that the husband goes out, [b]most of the time, [/b] he meets up with his same-sex buddy who apparently has dated the women who work at the bookstore. He also, voluntarily it seems, tells the OP when he hangs out with these women--some of whom she has actually met b/c they babysit her child--when he could just as easily not bother to disclose or outright lie.

[quote]Here's the bummer, too. On sat night we did have a babysitter, one of the bookstore girls, "Sally". And DH and I went to a party together. [b]But then at 10pm I went home to relieve Sally the babysitter, while DH went to the bar to watch the fight. and then Jen met up with him there. [/b] Sally and Jen are roommates. [b] So while i was paying Sally for babysitting, Sally's roommate was meeting DH at a bar. [/b] I just find that embarrassing. right? like I'm getting played. Did sally and Jen get home on sat night and say, "hey while you were babysitting DH's kid, I met up with DH!"[/quote]

Sally babysits the OP's kid [b]while she and husband attend a party together. [/b] The OP goes home, at which point Sally is off babysitting duty, and the husband goes to the bar where Jen joins him to watch a fight. So Sally isn't watching the kid at all while the husband is hanging out with Jen. Can we say "logic fail" and "paranoia"?

All in all, it sounds as though there's nothing suspect about the husband's behavior, and if these women are somewhat younger than the husband, the age difference probably can be explained by the fact that most of the women in the OP's age bracket--women with whom he might otherwise make friends--probably prefer to do what the OP does which is to say stay at home and go to bed early. I am a woman, and if I had a spouse who behaved in a similar manner, I'd be fine with it. If I were the OP's husband, however, the lack of trust and logical thinking on the part of the OP would make me run as far and as fast as I could.
[/quote]

Seriously. +100 to this. I cannot believe how paranoid some women are. If your husband is going to cheat, he is going to cheat. And probably not be so forthcoming about it since he could EASILY lie about who was out with him. Also, being in the same place at the same time isn't a necessarily a date.

Again, if you can't trust your spouse with someone of the opposite sex, either you have a problem, or they aren't trustworthy. Either way, your marriage is in trouble down the line. [/quote]

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