Reply to Breaking the Mommy Martyr Routine

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Reply to "Breaking the Mommy Martyr Routine"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think it's possible that most everyone has a point here.  I agree calling your wife a mommy martyr is not good at all, and pretty denigrating.  Maybe it's subconscious that you would use such a word to describe your wife, or maybe you are just someone who doesn't realize how that can come across.  Or, it might actually let you in on your own feelings - maybe you have more resentment than you think.  In any case, I think you might want to reconsider how you are framing this in your own head just because that may make it easier to tackle than just "she's a mommy martyr."

And maybe you could sit down and talk with your wife about this.  Take some of the advice upthread that she just doesn't feel secure and comfortable in her role.  Maybe she is uneasy in her worth/value and is not sure how to approach this as a "job."  I think you guys might want to hire a sitter and go on a long afternoon/evening outing to talk things over about your roles and how you both feel.  It's not fair, but people who have anxiety often don't understand how their anxiety impacts the others around them.  I have no clue if this is anxiety on her part but if it is, just saying it's okay will not work, because she will feel invalidated and further insecure.  The way to approach it may be more holistic - that you love her, value her contributions, but really want to be able to have time with the kid by yourself because you are not around as much during the week, and that you would also like her to have some downtime.  You could point out the downtime you probably have at work (chatting with coworkers, grabbing coffee, getting lunch, etc. - this is even if you are a workhorse, there are some moments to yourself).  That you and the kids are happiest when she is too, just like she is probably happiest when you are as well.

Hope this is helpful.[/quote]

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