Reply to Low earning husband who does not want to share any housework or parenting duties

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's killing me..... I feel like I married a guy from a developing country who basically expects the wife to be a servant. I have complained vocally for 2-3 yrs and am at a loss. Considering separation. But then I stop and think, is this better than being divorced? Socially, I suppose so. There seems to be a stigma there.... . But otherwise I just am so miserable working non stop. We tried having a housekeeper, he did even less, and with young kids, there was still tons of work for me. I didn't feel the help was worth what it was costing us on a monthly basis. we scaled back to a light cleanup biweekly. the money still feels really high to me, but I know that little bit of help keeps me sane.

I just don't know how long I can last. It's been 8 yrs. He makes 65k, which covers our mortgage and utilities and groceries. I earn under him, 45-60k but it's variable, and part time so i can pick up kids. My earnings  are essentaly everything that go to our savings, our meager disposable income. I have argued for moving further out (we live in the city in a townhouse that is totally out of our budget), me working full time, renting out part of our house... But he refuses to consider any of that, even brown bagging his lunch that I make. We are 41 and have three kids. I feel like a huge fool. BC While there are financial angles to it, at the base it is a communication and respect issue. We tried counseling but our counselor had a suprise health problem early, three sessions in, and we haven't revisited it bc I am running around like a maniac between work, kids, and managing our lives and felt like we couldn't afford it.

I feel like my kids deserve an intact home, but at what cost to me personally? I feel so beat down. any advice if you have been there done that? To anyone who wants to attack or lecture, I don't have time... just wondering if there is any way out short of separation.  [/quote]

OP, your post is breaking my heart because you are me, down to the three kids. I will say, your husband earns way more than mine and I earn a lot more, but the story is still the same. I almost wish we could meet in person because nobody in my circle can relate to what I'm going through. I ponder the same thing: is an intact home for my kids worth the personal cost to me as a human? Sigh... I will post more later after I've had time to read the comments. I just had to send you a hug because I am living your life and I know how hard it is!! Somehow we have to stay strong!![/quote]

Wow, thank you for writing this. Just makes a difference, bc there are so many who are quick to judge and not understand. Thanks for the well wishes, and right back at you!!! I just want all of this work to be in service of something good, or even great, but it is so easy to get lost in the exhaustion and lack of appreciation. 
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