Reply to Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it

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Reply to "Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with OP especially if they have kids. I would want to know if my inlaws were abusers so I would not trust them with my kids. You are all protecting the abusers.[/quote]
I guarantee you, if there's a shred of truth to op's story, BIL isn't leaving his children near his parents for a single second. Don't be such a dumbass. [/quote]

Would you be fine NOT KNOWING that your ILs were abusers? When your husband and sister knew but didn't tell you?

I don't think so. Don't trust anyone's judgement above your own.

[/quote]

OP has to make sure her sister knows and talks to BIL about it.  Those (allegedly) abusive parents of BIL will be or are grandparents.  OP's sister has a right to ask about it and to set appropriate boundaries around the grandparent/grandchild relationship it is true.

I am sorry that people with abusive backgrounds are angry about the gossip, but it has to be raised for the sake of the kids.

Respectfully, if the topic is that upsetting to you that you feel the need to attack OP, you need to talk to a therapist and deal with your issues from your abusive childhood.  If your parents were beating you or neglecting you or using drugs and alcohol, people knew about it and they remember it. They have gossiped about it. That's nothing to do with you and not a reflection on you. It is a reflection on your parent(s).  If you are super angry about OP's question, you need to stop taking responsibility for other people's bad behavior.

OP,  that is one of the answers you are looking for. When you talk to your sister, BIL might be angry at you or embarrassed.  He shouldn't be, because he was the victim, not the abuser, but he might take responsibility for something that wasn't his fault. [/quote]

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