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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have no idea what might have happened in this woman's life to make her like this. Maybe she was sexually abused by a family member of friend of the family and finds it difficult to let go of supervision of her daughter in another person's house. I really don't get your problem. You're mad that she will invite your daughter, but won't drop off hers? So just tell your daughter when she has playdates with this girl, they're at her hours. Your child isn't going to care.

You should probably question why you are this freaking invested in playdates. [/quote]

True, I don't know what has happened to this woman.  I hadn't thought about that.  I'm not freaking out, I'm kind of annoyed as I feel I have tried to get to know them better.  [b]To my husband the whole thing feels off that is why he rather our DD not go over any longer.  I was going to argue because DD likes this girl, but it seems if you are right, this will never be balanced.[/b] [/quote]

So your husband would end your child's play dates with another child she likes and enjoys just out of some adult sense of required "balance"? That punishes your own child (and the other kid too) for a problem the adults--not the kids--perceive. How does he plan to explain to your daughter why she can't play at her friend's house any more? No matter how he or you explain it, your child will get the vibe that there's something "wrong" with her friend, or their friendship,  or her friend's family, or even something wrong with[i] her [/i]because mom and dad are taking away something about which, to her mind, they didn't have issues earlier.

Why do that to your kid?

Someone mentioned along the lines of maybe the mom was abused as a child at someone's house and thus doesn't trust -- well, that could be true, but there are plenty of other, much simpler reasons they haven't said yes to play dates at your house (or maybe at anyone's house). Maybe you have dogs or cats, and the girl is scared of dogs or cats, but the mom doesn't want to say that to you out of fear of offending, so she turns down offers. Maybe they know things about their kid that you don't, like the fact she's anxious at other people's homes or acts out when she's not in her own environment. Maybe the mom has anxiety, or the daughter merely has activities that truly have conflicted with your offers. Or the timing would work for her to go to your house, but the drive doesn't work, because another sibling has to be picked up elsewhere, or....

But why exhaust yourself with speculation when you could just accept that your child likes this child and the play dates are safe and fun, and "balance" is not required? You seem to be assuming the issue is the mom doesn't trust you somehow. But it may not be about you at all. It may be about pets, commutes, activities, anxiety, whatever. None are reasons to cut your child off from a friend when the friend isn't a problem, and other than preferring to host, the adults aren't a real problem either.

I haven't read every post in this thread, but have you just asked her? It can be done without treading too heavily. If the issue of "balance" is that important to you, yet you want your child to keep seeing her friend, why not just ask?  "Hey, it's so nice that you always have Sally over to your house and she really enjoys being with your DD. But we really do want to have Sally over to our house once in a while too--DD would love to show Sally her games and our yard. But play dates at our house never seem to work out when I ask. How do we make that happen, so we feel we're doing our share of hosting for both girls? Is there a better time of week for DD to come to us, or would a weekend be better than after school? Let's set a date."

If you have tried asking and she waffles, be even more direct. "Sally loves seeing your DD but we really need to reciprocate and host some play dates ourselves. I'm not sure if there's something else going on, but is there any reason why our play date invitations to DD have not worked out?"
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