Reply to Harmless, but annoying "stalking"? At what point should I take action?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

Wow...thank you so much to everyone.   There is a lot to read.

1.  I am actually a little stunned that everyone feels it is so much of a threat.   I was wondering if I was taking this too seriously.  He DOES live pretty far away (about 1000 miles) so I've felt fairly confident I would not have to come in contact with him in person, except at the race last month.   The fact that all of you are taking this more seriously makes me wonder if Im in denial and should take it more seriously.

2.  Some posters have said this sounds familiar, but I did not post about a stalker before.

3.  Someone mentioned that I should pretend I have a horrible disease...that would not work with this guy.   Several times in his attempts to contact me he has said something along the lines of "Please let me know that you are ok."  I think if I gave any impression that I was not "ok" he'd be concerned and the attempts to contact would increase even more.

These were hard responses to read;  I didn't think this was as grave a concern as you all think it is, which scares me.   Thank you for taking the time to show me that this IS a bigger problem than I realized.[/quote]

OP, this man is clearly fixated on you. It's likely that he believes your relationship to be much more extensive than you believe/it actually is. Whether he is actually a safety threat at this time or not is irrelevant. His behavior has already escalated and there is no reason to believe that it will not continue to escalate. You live 1000 miles apart now, but clearly there are reasons for you to be in the same place - since you met in the first place and were going to be at a race together recently. I would be entirely unsurprised if he found reasons to come to your town (DC or wherever you live) as part of his escalation. At that point, he knows where you live, where your kids go to school, etc.

My advice to you:

1. Tell your husband. Even the part about being flirtatious at the race where you met. If he is upset about that, you will have to work it out between you, but leaving it out creates the impression that you're being secretive and having conflict with your husband on top of the stalking is the opposite of what you need.
2. Do not lie to the stalker or make an excuse for why you have not contacted him. 
3. Call his wife and tell her about the stalking. I would not engage with the stalker himself at this point, as further contact will only encourage him, but I would call the wife (not text) and tell her that he is repeatedly contacting you and that you are going to inform the police.
4. Send a cease and desist letter via certified mail to his home. Keep the receipt. Bring a copy to the police. They will not do anything, most likely, but a paper trail is always good.

Good luck![/quote]

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