Reply to My DD told me that I am the maid

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I don't know a lot of parents of older teens but I'm starting to wonder if 13 is actually the most hellish year for dealing with behavior, at least with respect to girls.[/quote]

I have ushered three kids through and past the age of 13, and, you are right, 13 is pretty much the worst. It does get better, even more so after 15.

I wish lots of strength and courage and patience to those of you still in the trenches of dealing with 13 year olds. You'll get through it!
[/quote]

OP here.  Wow it just is never-ending.  DH and younger DD are gone this morning, and the Princess gets up and goes to watch TV.  I say after she gets ready for basketball, and she says, "NO, I'm watching TV."  I took the remote, and calmly said, "you can watch after you are dressed".

I swear, here is where some parents who would say, "just take the remote/make her shovel snow" don't get it.  She got up and started fighting me for the remote.  She's bigger now than I am.  I walked out of the room with it, and she found another remote.  I said, calmly, "you are not watching TV" and she said, "YES I AM!" And I said "I will tell your dean about this when explaining why I'm pulling you from your school," (she's at a very challenging and prestigious school this year, but was at a nearby school and could go back there--I have voiced concerns that this school might be great academically but not as good as the nearby school in instilling the moral compass).

Anyways I remained calm and did manage to hide all remotes, and she ended up calling DH and crying about how mean I was (and he backed me--couldn't hear it all but really good stuff.)

I know I must "drop the rope" if only for the fact that she will soon be stronger than me.  But tell me, if I say no TV and she says "I AM WATCHING TV", if I then "drop the rope" and let her watch TV, how does that do anything but show her I'm a paper tiger?

I guess I should say "you watch now, and you will not watch again for a week"?   I guess that's the answer rather than fighting with her over the remote.  Yikes it's hard to think when you are in the moment--it took me writing this post to think of that seemingly obvious alternative.  My arm is shaking as I type.  It is really hard to be strategic in the moment.

So I guess my question to DCUM is, how to be able to think strategically in the moment?[/quote]

Do we have the same kid? My husband would be comforted that there is another one out there (I know there are many).

If she refused to hand over the remote I'd turn the power off at the circuit breaker. Say it once and don't engage her.
I would then calmly hide all of them for a good week and write on the big fridge calendar 'no tv ' with her name for the rest of the week.
Or a month.
I'm pretty good at yanking the wifi power too or turning off the wifi to specific devices from the router.

My DD also goes to a good school and does very well there - apparently it causes stress which is part of it.
I busted my ass in school and grad school back in the day -(her dad too) but in her teenaged mind since we're (husband and I) not doing that NOW she resents it (because she's stressed).  Never mind our backstory and struggles, in her mind it's just all about her.

I ignore some of the sass but calmly reinforce that she is doing x chores. She does them but sometimes it's ridiculous - like pulling teeth
and often not the greatest job.

She's pretty awful at home but fine at school and does volunteer service as well. It's 'save your drama for your mama'

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