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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My problem was that my DH could never be satisfied with just "regular" old sex.  EVERY time had to be porn worthy.  Sometimes after work, kids, etc. I wouldn't mind getting off but I don't want to make a big production out of it.

I'm not saying that porno worthy is a bad thing - sometimes.  Other times, a quickie would be really great.  [/quote]

I don't think I want porno sex all the time, but I'll bet my DW feels a little of this. But I do find myself pushing for longer, more drawn out sex when it's been 3 weeks since the last time. If she were asking for a quickie within a week or so of the last time, I'd be all for it. But if I might not get laid again for a month, then the "fun sized" sexual encounter can be very unsatisfying. [/quote]

[b]As a DH that gets sex once a month I understand PP.  I really want to please DW, but when she's accelerating full blast towards just getting me into the missionary spot and forgoing any offers of oral or other prelims I know it's just maintenance sex and  that she wants it over with asap. But that resets the clock for her and it'll be weeks before we'll have sex again.
[/b]
It sucks.[/quote]

Can't you say that to her? It seems pretty cut and dry to me - it feels just like you are checking a chore off your list here.
Can you give her a list of some things you would like her to do? How would she take that?
And please no one just buy her lingerie and hope for the best - it seems that specific instructions are needed.[/quote]

I was (still occasionally am) in your boat, and it is soul crushing.  My DW got off hormonal birth control, the youngest turned 5 and it has been somewhat better.  We used to have sex 2-3 x a month, always a chore to her.  Now we are 4-6x a month and she is more into it and that is the real difference.  I can deal with once a week if she is have sex with me, not just taking it.

What I can tell you is there is very little you can do to change the situation.  Your DW will come around or she won't.  It is incredibly cruel for your DW not to make at least a weekly effort to have a fun sex life.   Only bit of advice that I can give you that helped me (and us) is I became selfish with my evenings, I went out with friends, went to the gym, joined a club, and stopped trying to scramble home, help around the house, offer massages and all that other stuff that people suggest would help with my DW's libido.  It helped that I wasn't sitting around stewing up to my eyeballs in sexual frustration and I could burn off the energy at the gym or go out and flirt with other women which helps the feelings of rejection.

No idea if her drive raised because of BC, kids getting older, her feeling like I was slipping away or having an affair, or some combination. [/quote]

So you basically dumped the kids and household duties in the evenings on your wife because she wouldn't have sex with you?[/quote]

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