Reply to How to make sex a priority without making it a chore

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get that timidity is a turn off, but when you are really not in the fucking mood for sex, how do you respond to a forceful, aggressive insistence on sex by your DH? [/quote]

Yeah, DH here...I'd like to know the answer to this too, because a couple of "plow ahead with a lukewarm partner" episodes have ended in tears (hers) and feeling very rapey (me).  Not really wanting to go there again.[/quote]

Well, remember the "take charge, no wimpy initiations" is from the women's perspective, and it works for them because 1) if it is successful, it is much hotter to be taken by a man who is raging with desire for you than someone lightly stroking your arm kinda sorta wondering if you might want to have sex later but no biggie if not, or 2) if they really aren't in the mood, they can tell their husbands "no".

The problem for men, is if you turn on the alpha-tear her clothes off routine, and you get the hard "no" it is an overt rejection that can really sting the ego.  So women advocate the hard come on because they don't have to risk the brutal rejection.

Sort of like how men tell high libido women asking how to turn on their low libido husbands: just put on some lingerie and take out his penis and give him a BJ.  Sure, that works for most men, but low libido men aren't most men and can you even imagine the destruction to a woman's self esteem when her low libido husband rejects THAT advance.[/quote]

Correct. And the "take charge and no wimpy initiations" advice generally comes from non-low libido people, because they respond to that. A low libido DW who isn't already in the mood is NOT going to respond to that approach in a positive manner. I see all the time advice to "just grab her and kiss her passionately." If I did that to DW out of the blue she'd likely kick me in the nuts. No joke.

Normal and high libido folks give crappy advice because they don't understand that when a low libido DW doesn't want sex, THEY DON'T WANT SEX, and you're not going to change their minds with romance novel tricks.[/quote]
I disagree. I am low drive and think that if my husband acted like he had to have me that it might turn me on. Whimpering up next to me like a puppy dog does NOT work fo rme. [/quote]

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